| today's
laugh Too much
speeding
A police officer in a small town
stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But, officer," the man
began, "I can explain"
"Just be quiet," snapped the
officer. "I’m going to let you cool your heels
in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to
say"
"And I said to keep quiet!
You’re going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in
on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the
chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll
be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don’t count on it,"
answered the fellow in the cell. "I’m the
groom."
- The best way to make a fire with two
sticks is to make sure one of them is a match.
1908
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
Goldsteins Receive
Silver Remembrances.
The silver remembrances received by Mr.
and Mrs. Goldstein were numerous and elegant. A reporter
saw a vast array of them today. There were pitchers, cups
and saucers, spoons, bread and cake trays, sugar and
cream sets, card receivers, etc., galore, but one of the
most highly prized was a set of spoons presented by the
O.E.S., of which Mrs. Goldstein is a member. It was
accompanied with a neat presentation speech made by Mrs.
Eldred.
Mrs. Goldstein was also the recipient
of quite a number of bouquets. Numerous congratulatory
telegrams and messages were received and, all told, the
day was a red letter one in the lives of Mr. and Mrs.
Goldstein and family.
After the greater part of the crowd had
departed, the Light Guard orchestra played and the young
folks joined in a dance in the parlors.
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Today's Feature
Marian Days Preparations.
The Carthage Police
Department is preparing for the 32nd
Annual Marian Days celebration, which is
to be held August 6 through 9 at the
Congregation of the Mother Co-Redemptrix
campus on Grand Street in Carthage.
The Public Safety
Committee voted Monday evening to allow
the usual activities during the event,
including fireworks.
The event calls in help
from the Jasper County Sheriff, Joplin
Police Department, Webb City Police
Department, Carl Junction Police
Department and a number of investigators
from different states, all of whom
coordinate with the Carthage Police
Department. The FBI will also be present
at the event for interpreting services.
"I think
preparations are going very well,"
said Carthage Police Chief Greg Dagnan.
"Everything is right on
schedule."
Blockades are scheduled
to be placed on Grand Street in front of
the campus on Wednesday, August 5 at 7:00
p.m.
Marian Days is thought
to bring between 60,000 and 70,000
Vietnamese Catholics to Carthage each
year for a celebration of religion,
family, and faith.
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',I grew up knowin’ the value of a
good 2 by. There was always a need for a shelf in
the garage or some gadget that could be built
with the scrap lumber out in grandpa’s pile.
On visits he would pull out a
wood shingle and build me a whirly gig or carve a
flat, one dimensional "Buntline
special" hand gun.
Two by fours were great for
makin’ giant rubber band guns that used
slices of inner tube for projectiles. A few good
2x12 stacked like stair steps made a great car
ramp for changin’ the oil. Longer
2x12’s made great ramps to jump the bikes
from.
Lumber meant you could build
things, a tree house, fort, a box to keep
campin’ gear in. All necessary tools of an
energetic youth. ‘Course gettin’ the
"board" tempered the enthusiasm some.
This is some fact, but mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’
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Weekly Columns HERE’S A TIP
By JoAnn Derson
• "Dab buttons with
clear nail polish. It will give the threads extra
strength, making the button stay on longer. This
works especially well on shorts or pants."
-- P.L. in Indiana
• Don’t wash windows
on a sunny day. Wait for an overcast day, and do
it whenever the light is not directly on the
windows. You’ll have fewer streaks and
clearer glass.
• "I spray my dustpan
with a shot of furniture polish each time I am
finished with it. It makes the dust slide right
off. When I’m done sweeping, I wipe it off
with a paper towel and give it a quick spray, so
it’s ready the next time I need it." --
T.C. in California
• If you need to tighten
the cane seat of a chair, wet it with plain
water, then set it out in the sun. The sun’s
heat tightens the cane while it dries.
• "If you have a
counter stain (laminate counters), try putting
some bleach on a white washcloth, then laying the
cloth over the stain for about 10 minutes. Remove
the cloth and rinse. I find that wiping my
counters down weekly with a bleach-and-water
solution helps them to stay looking
tip-top." -- M.F. in Texas
• Go Green Tip: Make your
own baby food. Buy local produce to cook and
puree. You’ll be providing your baby with
the freshest and most nutritious of meals while
keeping hundreds of glass jars and plastic
single-serving dishes out of the landfill.
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