| today's
laugh Top Ten
Signs You Bought A Bad Computer
1. Lower corner of screen has the words
"Etch-a-sketch" on it.
2. It’s celebrity spokesman is
that "Hey Vern!" guy.
3. In order to start it you need some
jumper cables and a friend’s car.
4. It’s slogan is "Pentium:
redefining mathematics".
5. The "quick reference"
manual is 120 pages long.
6. Whenever you turn it on, all the
dogs in your neighborhood start howling. The screen often
displays the message, "Ain’t it break time
yet?" The manual contains only one sentence:
"Good Luck!" The only chip inside is a Dorito.
You’ve decided that your computer is an excellent
addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.
"In any hierarchy, each individual
rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains
there."
1898
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
A Remarkable
Character.
Mrs. Gilson, an old and well known
resident at Dublin, near Jasper, died this week and was
buried in an old and abandoned cemetery at her own
request beside her husband who had been buried there. She
also requested that her favorite trinkets, a bow and
arrow, an old silver half dollar, sleeve buttons and a
book be buried in her coffin with her body. This was
done.
Mrs. Gilson was known as the
"marshal" on account of the peculiar habit she
had of "laying down the law" to those who went
contrary to her wishes. The following incident is a
sample: Some years ago a new saloon opened up in Jasper
and she warned the proprietor to not sell whiskey to her
son. It appears that her son proved to be one of the
first customers and learning of this, Mrs. Gilson went to
the saloon and pulling two big revolvers on the
barkeeper, reiterated her request with emphasis. The son
received no more whiskey at the Jasper saloon.
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Today's Feature Whooping
Cough Cases Confirmed.
The Jasper County Health
Department reports twelve confirmed cases of
pertussis (whooping cough) and an ongoing
investigation continues into an additional two
cases of Jasper County residents in April 2009.
Pertussis is highly
communicable and can cause severe disease in very
young children. It begins with mild upper
respiratory tract symptoms and progresses to a
cough. The condition can further progress to
severe paroxysms, often with a characteristic
whoop followed by vomiting. Fever is absent or
minimal. In infants younger than six months,
apnea is a common manifestation and the whoop may
be absent. According to the Jasper County Health
Department, it is important to remember that
Pertussis should be considered in older children
and adults who have a persistent cough lasting
more than 7 – 14 days, which cannot be
attributed to another specific illness. Pertussis
may occur in fully vaccinated persons, and of
those that have had the vaccination, it is only
85% effective.
The best way to reduce
pertussis is to have a highly vaccinated
population, especially children under the age of
7.
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
There are prob’ly lots
a variations on the recipe for home made ice
cream, but if ya want to get into a real
discussion on the formula for success, get in
on the debate around the crankin’ end of
the process.
In our family, there is as
much care given in the placement and
quantities of ice and salt, the speed of
crankin’ and the ideal time to quit
turnin’ as ever is considered in the
kitchen. ‘Course the men have
traditionally taken care of the mechanical
end of the process, but the women have never
been bashful about advice on the matter.
I say care is given,
that’s because ever’one seems to -
care that is. This last batch, we didn’t
put the traditional burlap sack on top.
Don’t think it made much difference, it
just seemed to be missin’
somethin’, but they ate it anyway.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’.
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Weekly Columns THIS IS A
HAMMER
By Samantha Mazzotta
Use Snow to
Clean Oriental Rug?
Q: I know it’s a bit late
in the season for this one, but when I read your
column on cleaning oriental rugs, I had to write.
I think you missed it on this one. Soaking and
shampooing those area rugs is difficult and
time-consuming. Water and chemicals rot the
webbing. Instead of all that work, try cleaning
rugs with snow. That’s right, snow!
After a fresh snowfall, vacuum
both sides of the rug indoors as you indicated.
Then, take the rug outside and lay on a clean
patch of snow. Throw snow on top of the rug and
sweep off with a broom or brush. Repeat until the
snow comes off clean, then flip the rug and do
the other side. The dirt will pour off using this
method.
If you live in an area without
snow or it’s past snow season, use crushed
ice on a deck or clean garage floor instead.
The rug will not get soaked
through, and it looks and smells clean. No
chemicals, no taking days to dry. Tell your
readers to try it! - Ruth, via e-mail
A: Wow, that’s definitely
a cool suggestion! I’ve never heard of this
method, but then I grew up down south. If anyone
else has cleaned an oriental rug in a similar
manner, I’d love to hear from you.
I suppose the tiny ice
particles that make up fallen snow work like
scrubbers, getting deeper into the rug’s nap
than a brush could and picking up dirt particles.
As always, I recommend rug owners doing this for
the first time test a small section of the rug or
clean a rug that’s not a highly valued
antique, for obvious reasons. And afterward, do
hang the rug up or lay out to make sure it dries
thoroughly.
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Copyright 1997-2009 by Heritage
Publishing. All rights reserved.
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