| today's
laugh Joan went to a
psychiatrist. "Doc," she said, "I’ve
got big troubles. Every time I get into bed, I think
there’s somebody under it. Am I going crazy?"
Eyes under the bed
"Just put yourself in my hands for
one year," said the shrink, "Come to me three
times a week, and I’ll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per
visit."
Therapist sleeping
"I’ll sleep on it," said
Joan. six months later the doctor met Joan on the street.
"Why didn’t you ever come to
see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
"For a hundred bucks a visit? No
way! Instead, I went on one of those ‘Dude
Ranch’ vacations, and an old cowboy cured me for the
price of a bottle of whiskey."
"Is that so! How?"
"He told me to cut the legs off
the bed!
Ain’t nobody under there now!!!
1908
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
NORTH SIDE SALOON
TOUCHED.
The Change Taken
in Saturday Night Appropriated by Someone.
The back door of the north side saloon
was found open Sunday morning, and a small amount of
change which had been hidden away the night before was
gone. The bartender says he does not know the amount
taken, but that it was small, as they banked their cash
Saturday night after supper.
As the back door was barred from the
inside, the parties who did the deed could not have come
in from that way. It is thought they must have been
hidden away Saturday night when the saloon was closed, or
else come in through the front door with a key. They then
let themselves out the back way, which they could easily
do from the inside.
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Today's Feature PRAIRIE DAY.
George Washington Carver
National Monument has invited the public to
participate in Prairie Day on Saturday, September
12th, 2009 beginning at 10:00 a.m. and ending at
3:00 p.m. This event is free of charge. Prairie
Day is a celebration of life on a southwest
Missouri farm during the mid-1860s and1870s, the
years of George Washington Carver’s
childhood.
Features include horse-drawn
wagon rides through the prairie with a
storyteller on board. Inside the visitor center,
John Anderson will appear as "Brother
John" with music and storytelling about
African American life on the prairie from the
1860s & 1870s. Jack Farrow will appear as
"Frisco Jack" with Ozark storytelling
including The Legend of Little Owl by Mitch
Jayne. Close listeners will hear references to
the battle of Carthage and the bushwhacker gangs
of the area.
Under the big tent traditional
music will be provided by Ripplin’ Creek,
the Flyin’ Buzzards, Brown’s Mountain
Music, Ozark Wilderness Dulcimer Club, Gary
Kyger, Panhandle Slim, Dwayne & Barbara
Smith, and others. The Town & Country
Quilters will host a quilting bee under the small
tent and other quilters will demonstrate various
quilting techniques.
At the 1881 Moses Carver House
history comes alive with candle dipping,
Dutch-oven cooking, wool spinning, soap making,
laundry washing, butter making, corn shucking,
corn shelling and grinding, a chuck wagon, toys
and games, and a kitchen garden.
Visitors will find interesting
exhibits along the trail including a log hewer
showing log notches most likely used on the
Carver cabins. Near the Carver Family Cemetery
will be an exhibit on 19th century burial
customs, and an exhibit on edible & medicinal
plants. Near the pond basket weavers will be at
work, and there will be fun stations about
woodland and prairie animals and birds. Kids will
enjoy painting with natural dyes and earning a
Junior Ranger badge. An exhibit near the site of
the slave cabin will show Civil War medicine. The
Tri State Carvers Guild will demonstrate various
wood carving techniques, the Missouri Department
of Conservation will be on hand to discuss the
benefit of prescription fire on the prairie, and
the Neosho Fish Hatchery will present interactive
exhibits.
Visitors are invited to enjoy
the 17th Annual Gem City Days, September 11th
& 12th at the Diamond Christian Church
parking lot. The theme this year is "Looking
Back". On Saturday, a parade begins at 10:00
a.m., followed by a variety of entertainment,
including the Diamond Jazz Band, Cowboy Poet
Society, "Centrefire"-Rockin’
Country Music Band, a Car, Truck, & Bike
Show, Uprooted, and Billy Jo Gentry. Diamond High
School will host an all school reunion. For more
information about Gem City Days call 529-1372.
The park visitor center will be
open from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. and concessions
will be offered.
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
Fall is typically when the
"pile shift" takes place at my
house. Movin’ the winter piles out and
movin’ in the summer piles. This spring
and fall ritual is always intended to be a
cullin’ process. The struggle of
gettin’ rid of those things ya really
never use, just hate ta throw ‘em away.
My problem is it seems the
piles never diminish much over the years. No
matter how much I throw away each season,
somehow I accumulate replacements each year.
I keep thinkin’ someday I’ll open
the barn door and see the entire floor with
ever’thing that is occupyin’ space
in its proper and useful place. Although
it’s hard to judge with any accuracy, I
do think there are fewer and smaller piles.
Hopefully this fall I can muster the courage
to uncover a few more square feet of floor
space.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’.
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| Sponsored by Carthage Printing |
Weekly Columns HERE’S A TIP
By
JoAnn Derson
• Sand from the playground
is a real concern for some parents. It comes home
in little shoes and can damage carpets by
grinding into the fibers, and can scratch wood
floors. Here’s a fun idea to keep sand from
entering the house at all: Keep a colorful bucket
outside the entrance door. Have children remove
shoes and dump the sand into the bucket. Then sit
back and watch it grow. You can haul it back to
the playground when the bucket is filled, or
promise the kids a treat as an incentive when the
bucket is full.
• To get a stuck bottle of
ketchup flowing, insert a drinking straw.
• Pureed cottage cheese
can stand in for mayonnaise in a recipe. You can
even try it on your sandwich, if you’re up
for an adventure. Cottage cheese has fewer
calories, less fat and more protein than mayo.
• "I had a really
nice decorative door out back, and my dogs chewed
the bottom of it up. I finally replaced the door,
but the old one was so pretty that I just had to
save it. I cut off the piece that was chewed,
refinished what was left, and hung it behind the
head of the bed in my guest room. It makes a
beautiful headboard." -- I.V. in Utah
• "I sew through a
piece of fine sandpaper to sharpen a needle. I
also use this for sharpening my scissors."
-- E.E.F. in Michigan
• Go Green Tip: Feeling
overwhelmed by junk mail? Even if you’ve
taken your name off of the direct-mailing lists,
you still might get quite a number of offers by
mail. Recycle what you can, and save envelopes
and blank-sided inserts for coupon carriers and
grocery lists. They can still be recycled after
you’re done.
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