today's laugh
"Phwat did you get for your birthday, Pat?"
"A pair of opera glasses."
"And are they any good?"
"Foine! Ye see that church about a mile from here?
Well, these glasses bring it so close that ye can hear
the organ playing."
Jewelers Son-"Papa, how do
you just a watch?"
Jeweler-"Adjust, my boy, not just just."
Jewelers Son-"Well, papa, if you add just to
just, its just just isnt it?"
A rolling football gathers no score.
"Did you ever see the Catskill
Mountains?"
"No, sir; but Ive seen them kill mice!"
1900
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
At the Methodist
Conference.
In its report of the St. Louis M.E.
conference now in session at Kansas City, the Journal
tells of the lay electoral delegates being introduced to
the conference. Among those chosen was R.H. Rose of this
city, although he was not in attendance at the
conference. Speeches were made by several, Rev. O.M.
Stewart, of St. Louis, making a few remarks in Mr.
Roses behalf.
The Journal says: "Judge McGregor,
who was president of the conference, was introduced, and
spoke to the ministers at length. He reported a
harmonious session." The lay electoral conference
will be held in Chicago.
In the assignment of preachers for
Kansas City churches tomorrow; Dr. J. W. Stewart of this
city is to speak at the morning service at the Arlington
Methodist church.
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Today's Feature
County Primary Contest.
The Jasper County
primary is scheduled for August 8 this year and
will include a larger than typical field of
candidates.
The office of Public
Administrator and Assessor have drawn the largest
number total candidates with five each.
Incumbent Democrat Jim Willis
will face one of four Republicans for Assessor in
November. Donald E. Davis, Donna Harlan, Hal
Dannelley, and Larry Carsten will compete in the
primary for the Republican nomination.
The five Republicans running
for Public Administrator include Betty Ellefsen,
Scott Schlichting, Janice Tusinger (incumbent),
Denise Crampton Anderson, and Gary L. Martin.
There are no Democrat candidates.
The contest for County Sheriff
has two Republican candidates, incumbent W.J.
(Bill) Pierce, and former Joplin Police Chief
David Niebur and two Democrat candidates, J.D.
Love and Jerry Dean.
Candidates for Eastern County
Commissioner include Democrat incumbent Ben
Johnson and Republican candidates Jim Honey and
Trisha Burgi.
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
Looked like everone
made it through the July 4th celebration out
at Muni Park in good shape. Cept for
the typical technical difficulties and a
little sunburn, the event seemed to please
those who attended.
The 5K run had a good
number of folks show up to register the
mornin of the event and ended up with
somethin like eighty participants. (I
wasnt one of em.)
I did make it out late
afternoon and got ta hear a little of the
music and look around a little fore the
fireworks.
Heard a lota good things
about all those who helped put this thing on,
but everone mentioned the hard work of
the Parks Department personnel durin
the day. The place sure looked good. And,
thanks to the Street Department
sprayin, I dont think I even got
a chigger bite either.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin.
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Sponsored by
Metcalf Auto Supply
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Weekly Column
CLICK and CLACK
TALK CARSby Tom & Ray Magliozzi
Dear Tom and Ray:
My husband likes to drive with
the windows open instead of using the air
conditioner. He claims the outside fresh air
keeps him from getting sleepy. We are about to go
on a trip, and I would like your opinion on this,
since the noise from the outside air really gets
to me. Whats your advice?- Irene
TOM: Separate cars.
RAY: This is one of those truly
age-old husband-wife disputes. It can be traced
back to around the same time wives started
complaining that their husbands never kept around
the cave.
TOM: Its a tough one,
Irene. I feel the same way that your husband
feels. That stiff, varying breeze of fresh air on
my face keeps me awake, too. And it does a much
better job than the air conditioner. But my wife
hates it. And just like you, its not the
temperature or the breeze so much as the noise.
RAY: And as far as I know, no
ones ever come up with a good, practical
solution to this problem. I mean, we can suggest
many impractical solution:
TOM: You can buy a limo with
the glass window between the front and back
seats. Then he can stay up front with both
windows open and you can sit in the back with the
air conditioning, mini bar, television and maybe
a boyfriend!
RAY: Or you can go to your
local farm supply outlet and buy a cattle prod.
That ought to keep him awake, huh?
TOM: I think the only
reasonable solution is to compromise. You can
share the driving responsibilities, and when
hes driving, the window can be open or
partially open. When youre driving, the
window stays closed.
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Copyright 1997-1999 by Heritage
Publishing. All rights reserved.
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