| today's
laugh A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost.
He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended
a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?
I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago,
but I don’t know where I am."
The man below replied, "You are in
a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above
the ground. You are between 40 and 42 degrees north
latitude and between 58 and 60 degrees west
longitude."
"You must be an engineer,"
said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the man,
"but how did you know?"
"Well," answered the
balloonist, "everything you told me is technically
correct, but I have no idea what to make of your
information, and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below responded, "You must
be a manager."
"I am," replied the
balloonist, "how did you know?"
"Well," said the man,
"you don’t know where you are or where you are
going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to
keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact
is you are exactly in the same position you were in
before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my
fault."
40,000 Americans are injured by toilets
each year.
One day, an employee received an
unusually large check. She decided not to say anything
about it. The following week, her check was for less that
the normal amount, and she confronted her boss. "How
come," the supervisor inquired, "you
didn’t say anything when you were overpaid?"
Unperturbed, the employee replied,
"Well, I can overlook one mistake – but not two
in a row!"
1910
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
NEW
BILLIARD OUTFIT ARRIVES.
A. H. Witt’s fine new outfit of
billiard tables and accessories arrived yesterday and
were transferred to the hall. The erection of one of the
tables was completed yesterday and the rest are being
installed today. Two of them are billiard tables and four
are pool tables. They are finished in oak with a rosewood
cushion rail and are made by the well known
Brunswick-Balke Collender Co. Frank Faestel, of St.
Louis, is here to look after the erection of the tables
and will remain until they are all up and satisfactorily
tested.
The room, with its new paint, paper and
floor, and its bright and shining fittings, is taking on
a very handsome appearance. It is expected that the
tables will all be up and ready for use by tomorrow. The
old tables were turned in on the trade for the new ones
and were taken apart yesterday for shipment. Mr. Witt has
been ten years in the business here and eight years at
his present location.
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Today's Feature Master Gardener
Program.
Jasper County University of
Missouri Extension will be sponsoring a Missouri
Master Gardener program, beginning in January.
The program is designed to train volunteers in
various aspects of horticulture. The Master
Gardeners participate in a wide variety of
community service projects and assist University
of Missouri Extension in providing unbiased
educational information to the public.
A person who wishes to become a
Master Gardener is required to attend 30 hours of
training, and agree to return 30 hours of
volunteer service during the following year. The
fee is $125, but thanks to the support of the
Ozark Gateway Master Gardener organization, the
cost to those enrolling will be $95.
Topics to be covered in the
basic sessions include an orientation to the
Master Gardener program; plant physiology; winter
tree identification and tree care; vegetable
production; home lawn and turf; and home fruit
production.
To apply for the program or to
obtain further information, contact Ed Browning
or Janet LaFon, Courthouse Basement, Carthage, MO
64836, 417-358-2158
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
Although not frequently
identified as a legitimate "old
saying," I’ve always been humored
by the quip, "I heard it outa the corner
of my ear." A sense of irony maybe, or
just sophomoric humor. Either way, I find in
funny.
I’ve got an uncle that
I was always told had a dry sense of humor.
As a kid, I categorized it as
"corny." ‘Course I figured any
parent to be a little corny. Not hip with
really good humor like elephant jokes and
really tough tongue twisters.
I hope that my appreciation
of humor has matured somewhat, but I still
get a kick outa swappin’ elephant jokes
with grandkids. The real surprise sometimes
is the depth of understanding youngsters have
about humor. You’re never too young, or
old, for a good laugh or two.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’.
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Weekly
Columns
HERE’S A TIP
By
JoAnn Derson
• "To hang up thread
spools, use a wire hanger. Untwist the neck
portion, thread on the spools (by color or
thickness, etc.) and then refit the neck
together." --- P.O. in Washington
• If you have a busted-up
garden hose, don’t pitch it. Cut sections of
it for later use. For instance, when slit down
the side, garden hose makes a handy cover for
ice-skate blades.
• Freeze large batches of
homemade baby food in ice-cube trays or mini
muffin tins. When frozen, pop out the portions
and save in freezer-safe zip-lock bags.
• Here’s an instant
kid table. Take one laundry basket and top it
with a piece of plywood that has been cut to
extend over the basket by a half-inch on all
sides. Sand the edges and paint if you like. Toys
and games can be kept in the basket, and the
whole thing can be moved or stored easily.
• To keep white socks
white, boil them in a mix of water and lemon
juice. Add lemon slices for extra whitening
power.
• If you’re working
with steel wool, keep a magnet handy to whisk up
small metal fibers that break loose. Also keep a
magnet handy when using pins. You can "pick
up" pins from your work surface and put them
in a container much more quickly with a magnet.
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