| today's
laugh Once upon a time, there
was a man. A genie appeared to the man, and offered him
one wish.
"Well," said the man,
"I’ve always wanted to go to Fiji, but plane
tickets are so expensive, and boats are so slow. Can you
build a bridge from Los Angeles to Fiji?"
"I’m sorry, man," the
genie said. "You’re pretty much asking for the
impossible. That’s six thousand miles of bridge.
Plus, you’ll need fuel stations and motels on the
way. I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to ask
for something else."
"Oh," said the disappointed
man. "Well, can you grant me the ability to
understand women?"
The genie cleared his throat. "How
many lanes did you want on that bridge?"
A man had just arrived home after the
successful implantation of a pacemaker.
Reading through the literature, he was
delighted to learn that the instrument carried a lifetime
guarantee.
1910
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
A Record Broken.
Female Department of
the County Jail Empty for Three Days.
For the first time since the
administration of W. H. Warren as sheriff of Jasper
county, the female department at the jail has lacked an
occupant. For three whole days, ending yesterday, not a
woman or girl of whatever age, color or previous
condition of servitude, stared out of the upper windows
of the jail at the passers by on East Fourth street, and
Turnkey Jeff Plummer gazed about in a helpless sort of
way, as though the old jail did not seem quite the same.
But such an unwanted goodness among the fair sex could
not last, and yesterday one Alice Simons was brought up
from Webb City to serve eight days for lewd conduct. She
is as yet solitary and alone. The entire population of
the jail is now only 48, but a big increase is expected
with the first frost, as the hoboes begin to break into
prison for winter quarters here.
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Today's Feature Attorney Generals
seek to overturn ruling declaring National
Day of Prayer
unconstitutional.
Missouri Attorney General Chris
Koster joined with 28 other state attorneys
general seeking to reverse an April 2010 holding
that the statute creating the National Day of
Prayer is unconstitutional.
A federal trial court in April
found for the plaintiffs in a lawsuit filed by
Freedom from Religion Foundation, et al.,
challenging the constitutionality of the National
Day of Prayer. Koster said he and other attorneys
general want that judgment reversed and have
filed an amicus brief in the U.S. Court of
Appeals for the Seventh Circuit in Chicago asking
for the reversal.
The brief highlights a number
of cases in which the courts have acknowledged
the country’s religious heritage and the
role of religion in American life. It points out
that President Washington issued the first
presidential proclamation designating a day for
prayer and thanksgiving, and nearly every
subsequent president has followed suit.
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
With
all the talk about acceleratin’ the
depreciation for computer equipment because
of its built in obsolescence, how ‘bout
ponderin’ this dilemma. Should tools
with a life time warranty be depreciated?
There are tools that
depreciate so fast that they are allowed as
expenses. Saw blades for instance, or drill
bits. Evertime such an instrument is used it
grows closer to bein’ worn out.
One businessman I knew, who
owned a small sundry store needed an ice
machine. He put one of those coin operated
timers on the wall hooked to the electricity.
He put four quarters in and it would run for
a day. At the end of the month, he’d
retrieve the quarters and make the payment on
the machine. Such a contraption on the home
tv might be a rewarding proposition.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’.
.
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Weekly
Columns
THIS IS A HAMMER
By Samantha Mazzotta
Don’t Mess
With Hidden Wasp Nest
Q: Last week, as I was mowing
the yard, I noticed a yellow jacket buzzing
around one of the windowsills on the back of the
house. I didn’t pay much attention until
later in the day when I saw three hovering in
that area, and one crawling under the sill. There
may be a nest in that spot. How can I safely get
rid of a yellow-jacket nest, if there is one? --
Julie in Kennesaw, Ga.
A: I’m not fond of yellow
jackets or wasps, so unless the nest is small and
easy to remove -- like a small wasp’s nest
on a gutter -- I defer to a professional.
Your guess that the yellow
jackets have a nest under or behind that
windowsill is probably correct. However, to
locate it and deal with it, the siding next to
the sill may need to be removed. If your home
uses vinyl siding panels, this task is usually
somewhat easy and can be done without damaging
the siding. But if there are yellow jackets under
there -- and the nest could harbor many more than
you’ve seen so far -- there’s a risk of
getting stung.
So first, contact a
pest-control professional who specializes in
removing wasp, bee or yellow-jacket nests. He or
she may be able to look under the sill and siding
without removing anything. Get a quote up front
on how much it will cost initially to look at the
infestation, and get the removal estimate in
writing before the company proceeds with the
work.
HOME TIP: Locate wood stacks at
least 18 inches away from your home’s
foundation, and compost piles at least 4 feet
away, to prevent pests and rodents from getting
into the house through these easy-to-hide-in
spots.
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