| today's
laugh
"This house," said the real
estate salesman, "has both its good points and its
bad points. To show you I’m honest, I’m going
to tell you about both.
"The disadvantages are that there
is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse
a block north."
"What are the advantages?"
inquired the prospective buyer.
"The advantage is that you can
always tell which way the wind is blowing."
Takes on how Southern folks look at
Northerners (or how Northerners sometimes think of
themselves;)
YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BLUE NECK IF...
..Instead of referring to two or more people as
"Y’all," you call them "you
guys," even if both of them are women.
..You think barbecue is a verb meaning
"to cook outside."
..You think Heinz Ketchup is really
SPICY.
..You would never stop to buy something
somebody was cooking on the side of the road. (e.g.,
boiled peanuts, not road kill, Dummy!)
..You don’t have any problems
pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce correctly.
..For breakfast, you would prefer
potatoes-au-gratin to grits.
..You don’t know what a moon pie
is. You have probably never watched a moon pie in a
microwave. Awesome!
..You’ve never had an RC Cola.
..You’ve never, ever eaten okra --
fried, boiled, or pickled.
..You eat fried chicken with a knife
and fork.
..You have no idea what a polecat is.
..You don’t see anything wrong
with putting a sweater on your dog.
..You would rather have your son become
a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
..You drink either "Pop" or
"Soda"- instead of "Cokes."
..You have never planned your summer
vacation around a gun-’n-knife show.
.. You have never been hep’d.
..You think more money should go to
important scientific research at your university than to
pay the salary of the head football coach.
..You don’t even have one can of
WD-40 somewhere around the house.
..You couldn’t find the eye of the
stove if your life depended on it.
..You don’t have any hats in your
closet that advertise feed stores.
.You have more than one professional
sports team in your home state.
..You call binoculars opera glasses.
..You can’t spit out the car
window without pulling over to the side of the road and
stopping.
..You don’t have Maw-maw’s,
Me-maws, Pawpaw’s or Pappaw’s.
..You get freaked out when people on
the subway talk to you.
..None of your fur coats are homemade.
1910
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
Marshal Means Waives
Examination.
Deputy United States Marshal J. R.
Means appeared before Justice Warren Woodward this
afternoon and waived a preliminary examination on the
charge of feloniously assaulting Ellis Hummel with intent
to kill while on an electric car about a week since.
Several of the officials and employees
of the electric were up to push the case and in all
probably fifteen witnesses were summoned.
Senator Howard Gray, Means attorney,
appeared in court early in the morning and as he stated
that the right of a preliminary examination would be
waived by the defendant the witnesses were excused after
claiming their attendance.
Deputy Means came up later in the
morning and his bond was $500 which he gave. He is to
appear at the December term of the circuit court as his
case cannot be looked after by a grand jury until that
time.
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Today's Feature Newtonia Braces for PBS Film.
The upcoming PBS documentary on
the First Battle of Newtonia has the community
hopping according to Kay Hively in her latest
newsletter.
"The biggest, most work
intense, event in the group’s history will
be undertaken on the weekend of May 13-16 (a week
later if there is rain). This is the weekend in
which we will be filmed by a PBS camera crew for
a new documentary on the First Battle of
Newtonia....this is going to be a big project. It
will involve hundreds of people and will, I
regret to say, absolutely overwhelm the village
of Newtonia.
"For weeks, some of our
members have been working on this project,
preparing fields for battle scenes; covering up
"modern" things that might show up in
the film, mowing, cleaning, fixing, building,
etc. Hours and hours of work have been done by
our group members and some volunteers.
"When the filming starts,
we will need all the help we can get to do such
duty as traffic control, registration, food
service, and courier service as we try to block
off much of the community and keep 100-150
re-enactors feed, housed, etc."
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 |
Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
Hopefully small disasters
come in threes. That’d mean I’m
past the "fix-it" mode for a while
anyway.
It started last Friday
evenin’ with a hiss under the hood of
the old jeep. Water hose. The grandkids were
visitin’ so I take them to the parts
store with me on Saturday to get the hose.
Simple replacement, good as new. I get in the
car later that evening and the battery is
dead. I take the jeep and when I return home
after dark I see the problem, the rear dome
light was turned on by one of the two curious
minds. The charger goes on, battery is ok
next day. Plug in the coffee pot (a real
percolator type), the plug flashes and shuts
down that project. I replaced the plug and
ever’thing is back to pre-weekend
normal. I was lookin’ forward to
gettin’ back to work.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’.
.
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Weekly Columns
THIS IS A HAMMER
By Samantha Mazzotta
Heavy Rains Take
Toll on Basements
Q: I have a dry basement. But
recently, after heavy rains, I noticed that in
two corners of the basement the paint was
bubbling up a bit and, when I pressed one of the
bubbles, the paint split and water trickled out.
I haven’t experienced dampness issues
before. What’s the problem? -- Gary in
Waltham, Mass.
A: Considering all the pump
hoses I saw trailing from basements around my
neighborhood following recent heavy rains in the
Northeast, a little dampness doesn’t seem
like much. But you’re paying attention to
the problem right away, when it’s relatively
small and new -- and that’s actually very
important. It can save you from having to bale
out the basement a few years from now.
The first thing to do is to
find out if water is draining correctly away from
your foundation, or if something is impeding that
drainage. Check outside the house, near those
corners. Are there gutter downspouts nearby? Do
you have shrubs, hedges or other plants in place
next to the foundation?
If gutter downspouts are near
the corners, make sure the water is draining well
away from the foundation and that it disperses
evenly. The small bend at the bottom of the
downspout may not be enough -- water should be
directed at least a foot away from the
foundation, so you might need to purchase a
gutter extension.
Should the rains return before
you’re able to do that, you could do what my
neighbor did in a pinch during the storms, and
improvise a drain extension. What he did was set
a flat piece of concrete directly beneath the
downspout opening, raised the end slightly by
placing a few pebbles underneath so the water
flowed away faster. He then found a length of
flexible plastic tubing about 4 feet long in his
shed and duct-taped that to the end of the
downspout.
Check the distance of plants
from the house. They should be planted more than
a foot away from the foundation to prevent their
roots from extending to the foundation and
allowing water to seep in through the cracks they
exploit. Plants that are set too near, or plants
whose roots have crept to the foundation, should
be removed and new plants placed farther away.
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