| today's
        laugh A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at
        a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.
        "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?"
        he asks. The two Americans just stare at him.
        "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Fracais?" he tries.
        The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?"
        No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still
        nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.
        The first American turns to the second and says,
        "Yknow, maybe we should learn a foreign
        language." "Why?" says the other.
        "That guy knew four languages, and it didnt do
        him any good."   The vocalist was practicing in the
        church with all the windows open. As she stepped outside what a whiff of
        fresh air, she noticed the gardener trimming the shrubs.
        "How did you like my execution?" she asked. The gardener without turning to look at
        her said, "Im in favor of it."   3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the
        population 
 1911 INTERESTING MELANGE.
 A Chronological Record of Events as they have
        Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
 THE CASE OF A
        MUSTACHE. About the Hair
        That Isnt There and Why the Hair is Missing. The High School Crescent society will
        hold their regular semi-monthly open meeting Friday night
        in the High school assembly room. An excellent program
        has been prepared, one of the principal features of which
        will be a "mock trial," in which Frank Calkins
        will prosecute Harvey Goble for cutting off one half of
        his mustache and selling it to a hair mattress factory. The incident is alleged to have
        occurred several days ago. It is further alleged that a
        number of students caught Frank Calkins and shaved off
        one half of his mustache hence the suit. As a result of this incident a notice
        has been hung up in the High school which reads as
        follows, "First class barber work done in the High
        school basement. Shaving a specialty. Harvey Goble,
        tonsorial artist." 
            
                |  | Today's Feature Periodical
                Cicada Returns. Last appearing in 1998, Brood
                XIX of periodical cicada will pupate into
                adulthood and join us above ground this spring.
                Brood XIX is a 13-year cicada grouping that
                stretches from Missouri to Illinois and south
                into northern Louisiana then east to North
                Carolina.  Periodical Cicada will start to
                emerge from late April to early May and be around
                into early July. They are large insects ranging
                from .75 to 1.5 inches long. Individuals can
                scare some people as they accidentally fly into
                them. The males will fly to the top of trees with
                sunny leaves and start to sing to attract a mate.
                The large number singing will develop into a
                joint cadence. The volume of the singing can
                become annoying. After mating, females will look
                for small twigs, preferably 1/4 to 1/2 inch in
                diameter, to lay eggs in. The female inserts a
                saw-like ovipositor to open a slit in the twig
                where she will lay her eggs in it. She will
                repeat this multiple times possibly creating a
                continuous slit along the twig. The nymphs will
                hatch after 6 to 10 weeks, then drop to the
                ground to burrow in and feed on tree roots. The sheer numbers of cicada all
                at one time will ensure most trees will have some
                damageapple, pear, dogwood, oak and hickory
                are favorite hosts. Branches with severe damage
                will have twig dieback. On larger, established
                trees this will not be a problem for tree health,
                but will create a short term visual of brown
                leaves. Highly valued ornamental trees, young
                trees, and small shrubs may be protected by
                wrapping with mesh cloth with openings less than
                3/8 inch. Be sure to tie the cloth tightly around
                the trunk to prevent cicada from climbing in from
                below. While sensitive to some protective
                chemicals, female cicada usually will be able to
                lay some eggs before succumbing. Corrective pruning of small
                damaged trees in the winter may be needed to
                re-establish a central leader of the main stem. 
 
 |  
                |  | Just Jake
                Talkin' Mornin',
 
                    Folks often complain about
                    how long it takes ta get things done when
                    dealin with the government. Red tape,
                    bureaucracts, and the like. The fact is, our
                    form a government was intentionally
                    structured so as ta make things hard ta
                    change. In fact in a lot a cases,
                    its more frustratin for elected
                    officials to change things than it is for the
                    rest of us. Course thats why the
                    system is built the way it is. Although its easy to
                    understand wantin to hurry up the
                    process, even the appearance of public
                    officials tryin to bypass the normal
                    procedure typically results in the erosion of
                    public confidence. Cards can be played close
                    to the vest, but even in a friendly game,
                    its best ta keep your hands above the
                    table. This is some fact, but
                    mostly, Just Jake Talkin. 
 |  
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 Weekly
                Column THIS IS A HAMMER By Samantha Mazzotta Split
                Outdoor Pipe Disables Spigot Q: Im not sure how, but
                when checking the outdoor spigots this spring I
                noticed that the steel pipe behind one of them
                had swelled and split. I had turned off water to
                this pipe last fall so Im not sure how this
                happened, and I dont see any water damage
                in the basement. Why did this occur? Whats
                the cheapest fix so I can use this spigot again
                soon? -- Frank T., Dover, N.H. A: Im not sure exactly
                why it happened either. Perhaps if the tap
                wasnt fully drained after you turned off
                water at the nearest shutoff valve, perhaps some
                water pooled just behind the spigot and, when a
                hard freeze occurred, the water froze, expanded
                and split the pipe.  Im also not sure
                theres a truly cheap fix for this. Duct
                tape will keep water from spraying all over the
                place but wont stop a leak and will quickly
                break down. You need to keep the water turned off
                and the pipe drained, and contact a plumber as
                soon as possible. The pipe will need to be
                replaced, perhaps all the way back to the shutoff
                valve. Get a written estimate -- two
                or more if youre not sure how much the job
                should cost -- and decide from there when and how
                youll have the pipe replaced. Because it
                sounds like youve got galvanized steel
                pipe, the plumber will recommend a different
                material (galvanized steel isnt used
                anymore -- period) and he or she may recommend
                replacing all the steel pipes, though probably
                not all at once. Meantime, it would be a good
                idea to check all of the other pipes leading
                outside for similar damage. Hopefully,
                thats the only one you have to deal with
                right now. Also, since the Northeast is still at
                risk in April of more hard freezes occurring,
                keep the outside spigots turned off and drained
                for a few more weeks. Homes with newer plumbing
                dont have to worry as much about outside
                pipes freezing and splitting in early spring, but
                older pipe systems need to be more closely
                watched. |  Copyright 2011, Heritage
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