| today's
laugh A cannibal entered the meat market to buy
something nice for dinner. The owner greeted him and told
him to look around. The cannibal began to inspect the
meat case and noticed the market specialized in brain.
Upon further inspection he noticed a
marked disparity between the costs of brain meats. A
carpenter’s brain sells for $1.50 per pound. A
plumber’s brain sells for $2.25 per pound. He
noticed with alarm that a politician’s brain sells
for $375.00 a pound. With not a little curiosity he asked
the owner why the huge difference in price between the
similar meats.
The owner responded with a deadpan look
on his face, "Do you realize how many politicians it
takes to get a pound of brains?"
What do cannibals call athletes?
Fast food!
If con is the opposite of pro, is
Congress the opposite of progress?
Why isn’t there
mouse-flavored cat food?
1911
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
Stole a Horse and Buggy
at Sarcoxie - the Buggy Found in Carthage.
N. M. Forsythe, of Bowers Mill, was in
Carthage today inssearch of a horse and buggy stolen from
Sarcoxie last night. His son, Jesse, a young man of 20
years, drove to Sarcoxie Sunday evening to see his best
girl and left his horse hitched to a tree. On his return
an hour or so later he found the rig gone.
The trip to Carthage today resulted in
Marshal Stafford finding the stolen buggy and harness in
the north part of the city at the foot of Elm street. The
horse, halter and laprobe are missing.
THE PONY HOMEWARD BOUND.
Since the above was in type, Mr.
Forsythe has been notified that the pony was seen going
toward home. This would indicate that the animal was
turned loose when the vehicle was abandoned.
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Today's Feature Restricted Boating
On Table Rock And Taneycomo Lakes Due To High
Water Levels
The Missouri State Highway
Patrol, cautions recreational boaters to avoid
boating on Table Rock Lake and Lake Taneycomo
because of the current flood conditions. Large
amounts of floating debris due to the elevated
water levels have made boat operation hazardous
on both lakes. Significant damage has occurred to
dock structures on both Table Rock and Taneycomo
lakes. Increased wave action caused by boats on
these lakes would cause additional damage to dock
structures and seawalls already under stress from
the water levels. The Water Patrol has canceled
current regatta permits for fishing tournaments
on Table Rock Lake and Lake Taneycomo to help
minimize damage to flooded areas.
Dock owners are reminded to be
cautious when working around dock structures.
Table Rock Lake already has had
historic releases of water from this floodevent
and could possibly see the water level top the
historic high seen in the spring 2008.
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
The other day, the daughter
walked in the house after not bein’
around for a few weeks. She was wearin’
sunglasses and a hat of sorts. Nothin’
the neighbor’s dog could identify with
and it startled the mutt.
The dog went ta
growlin’ and barkin’, and the
neighbor came rushin’ to the kitchen to
see the problem. After a moment of
calmin’ down the dog, it returned to its
oversized puppy self, lickin’ the
daughter’s hand and wantin’ to
play.
The owner of the pup was a
little surprised at the action, but felt it
was a good sign. If a stranger did happen on
the place, the dog would give a loud
warnin’.
I suppose a good bark, even
when it’s used mainly to draw attention,
does have it’s place. It’s surely
better than whimpin’ off to a corner to
hide.
This is some fact, but
mainly,
Just Jake Talkin’.
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| Sponsored by
Carthage Printing |
Weekly
Column
HERE’S A TIP
By
JoAnn Derson
• "My roses really
look beautiful. When I am cutting stems to put in
a bouquet, I use a clothespin to grip the stem.
It saves me from getting pricked by thorns,
because it has a bit of reach to it." --
L.E. in Georgia
• For even distribution in
sowing seeds for your garden, use a saltshaker
for tiny seeds. You can get a cheese shaker for
larger seeds, if necessary.
• To keep your brick
walkway clear of grass and weeds, sprinkle salt
in the cracks.
• "If you have to cut
a nylon cord or shoelace, you can use a flame to
melt the end into a nub that won’t run or
fray. Use a little heat and press it together on
a hard surface very briefly. It works fast!"
-- R.S. in Maine
• "Cars are getting
so big these days. I use a string mop to wash the
top and back of my van. I can reach everything
better, and it does a great job." -- S.C. in
Nevada
• To get glass shower
doors squeaky clean, use a paste of baking soda
and water to scrub stubborn water stains, then
rinse the whole thing with straight white
vinegar. Put the vinegar in a spray bottle and
spray well, then rub off with a sponge. Rinse
with plain water.
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Copyright 2011, Heritage
Publishing. All rights reserved.
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