Mornin' Mail

The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Wednesday, February 9, 2011 Volume XIX, Number 159

Did Ya Know?...There will be a Red Cross Blood Drive hosted at the Nazarene Church in Carthage Thursday, Feb. 17 from 11:30 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. 2000 Grand.

Did Ya Know?...Stone’s Throw Dinner Theatre 796 S. Stone Lane will have the Special Valentine’s Day Performance Monday, February 14. Two One Act Plays, admission $25.00. Includes dinner and special Valentine treats. Call for reservations 358-9665

today's laugh

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St.

Peter at the entrance. ‘Welcome to heaven,’ says St. Peter. ‘Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you. ‘No problem, just let me in,’ says the man. ‘Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity. ‘Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,’ says the senator. ‘I’m sorry, but we have our rules. ‘And with that, St.

Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator raises...The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. ‘Now it’s time to visit heaven. ‘So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. ‘Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity. ‘The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: ‘Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell. ‘So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. ‘I don’t understand,’ stammers the senator. ‘Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened? ‘The devil looks at him, smiles and says, ‘Yesterday we were campaigning....Today you voted.’

1911

INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

THE OLD "TOWN WELL."

Sewer Diggers Located It Today—Some Good Lead Ground.

The sewer men in excavating at the corner of Ninth and Lyon streets today came across what had at one time been on old well. The walls were intact but the opening had been filled up completely and there was nothing at the surface of the ground to indicate its presence. The location was exactly in the center of the street intersection.

Old residents remembered that a "town well" was once located there. "It was dug long years ago and I remember that A. W. St. John who then lived near this corner, helped sink it." said one old resident bystander. "They threw out a lot of lead when they dug that well too, and I believe there is good lead ground all through this part of town."

Today's Feature

Capital Improvement Vote approved by 352 Voters.

The 5.7 percent of registered voters who went to the polls yesterday overwhelming approved a continuation of the one-half cent capital improvement sales tax.

Only 438 citizens turned out to vote on the proposal. Of those, 352 voted yes and 86 voted no. According to the County Clerk there are 7,651 registered voters in the City.

The tax is estimated to generate over $800,000 a year for the next twenty years and can be used for any capital improvement the Council approves.

$30,000 Blizzard.

City Administrator Tom Short reported to the City Council at their regular meeting last night that the City had spent approximately $30,000 to address problems created by the recent blizzard. The Steet Department was responsible for the bulk of the expense, logging over 540 hours of overtime for its crews.

The City has three snow plows and one of them was damaged early in the storm. It is now repaired and back in service.

Just Jake Talkin'
Mornin',

I hear parents talk about bein’ happy when their kids finally grow outa that "awkward" stage. ‘Course it seems they don’t ever grow out, they just move on to the next awkward stage. From crawlin’ to walkin’ to teeth fallin’ out to voice changin’ to legs growin’ to complexion problems, the list never seems ta end.

As ya gain some maturity ya figure that someday there will be no more stages left.

Unfortunately, I’ve discovered yet another "awkward" situation. I find myself between belt sizes. The notch that feels comfortable is just a little loose and the next notch in puts a real squeeze on the midsection. Very awkward. I don’t really care which, but hopefully I’ll grow out or in to a more comfortable stage soon.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.