| today's
laugh By the time the soldier pulled into the little
town, every hotel room was taken. "You’ve got
to have a room somewhere", he pleaded with a
proprietor. "Well, I do have a double room with one
occupant, but he is an Air Force guy" admitted the
manager, and he might be glad to split the cost. But to
tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in
adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I’m not
sure it’d be worth it to you.
" No problem." the tired Army
guy assured him, "I’ll take it." The next
morning the soldier came down to breakfasts bright-eyed
and bushy tailed. "How’d you sleep?" asked
the manager. "Never better", said the soldier.
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the
other guy snoring all night long?" "No, I shut
him up in no time", explained the soldier.
"How’d you manage that?"
asked the proprietor.
"Well, he was already in bed,
snoring away, when I walked into the room, so I gave him
a kiss on the cheek" explained the soldier.
"Then, I whispered in his ear ‘Good night
beautiful’, and he sat up all night watching
me."
Ladies and gentlemen,
hobos and tramps,
Bug-eyed mosquitoes and
bowlegged ants!
I’m about to tell you
a story I’ve never heard before,
So pull up a chair and sit
on the floor.
Admission is free, so pay
at the door.
One fine day, in the
middle of the night,
two, dead boys got up to
fight.
Back to back, they faced
each other,
drew their swords and shot
each other.
A deaf policeman heard the
noise,
and saved the lives of the
two dead boys.
If you don’t believe
my lies are true,
ask the blind man, he saw
it too!
Two eggs, a sausage, and a pancake walk
into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we
don’t serve breakfast."
1911
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
WOODMEN AFTER NATIONAL HONOR.
The Carthage Modern Woodmen of America
are interesting themselves in the race of a Nevada man
for the office of head banker of the general M. W. A. of
the United States. At tonight’s meeting they will
discuss plans for supporting him.
The Nevada Post says of the matter:
"H. E. Errett is in receipt of information today
from prominent Woodmen of Illinois that he will
undoubtedly carry the vote of that state for head banker
of the M. W., provided Missouri endorses him for that
position. Every Woodman knows the influence of Illinois
is such matters and there is but little question of
Missouri’s action.
"Mr. Errett is the logical
candidate. He was made so by his efficiency and
prominence in the order and the splendid race which he
made for the position at Kansas City. Missouri should
endorse him with a unanimity and an enthusiasm which his
merit deserves."
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Today's Feature Council Meet
Tonight.
eWaste On
the Agenda.
The Carthage City Council is
scheduled to meet this evening in City Hall at
7:30 p.m. for its regular bi-monthly meeting.
The agenda includes the first
reading of Council Bill 11-02 which would
authorize the Mayor of the City of Carthage to
"enter into an agreement with Midwest
Wholesalers, Inc for hauling and proper recycling
of waste electronics."
Included in the list of items
that would be picked up for recycling are
Microwave ovens; scanners; all types of
televisions; computers; monitors; speakers;
keyboards, mice, and other computer peripherals
and components; laptop computers; adding and
answering machines; AC adapters; paper shredders;
power strips/packs; cables, wires and cords;
pagers; all types of telephones and other
electronics.
According to the proposed
ordinance, "Starting January 27 ,2011
Contractor agrees to take all e-waste at no
charge except the City agrees to pay $15 for
every television, and $0 for every microwave
oven, and $5 for every computer monitor
(CRT)."
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 |
Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
After discoverin’ that
a check for $50 bucks in an unsealed envelope
was accidently picked up with a bunch of
envelopes to be mailed, it was assumed that
it was gone forever. Landed in a "dead
letter" bin somewhere in the midwest.
It was decided that the
first thing Monday mornin’ the bank
would have ta be notified to stop payment on
the check, just in case. We didn’t make
it to the bank in time.
On Saturday mornin’,
we received a letter from the post office,
postage paid, with the check and a note
sayin’ it was found in a mail bin. I
don’t know who it was, or exactly where
it was, but it woulda been easy just to pitch
it in the trash. A real bright spot for the
caliper of folks workin’ for the Postal
Service. Thanks.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’.
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Weekly
Columns
Lupus Is Related
to Rheumatoid Arthritis
DEAR DR. DONOHUE: My
28-year-old daughter, who has been healthy all
her life, was recently diagnosed with lupus. Will
she be able to live a full life, including having
children. Is there a cure? How about exercise and
diet? -- R.K.
ANSWER: In the 1950s, a
diagnosis of lupus carried only a 50 percent
chance of living for five more years. Sixty years
later, the chance of living for at least 20 more
years is 90 percent, and the majority of lupus
patients have a normal life span.
Pregnancy is definitely
possible. Doctors tell their lupus patients to
delay pregnancy until the illness has been
inactive for six months. That kind of delay in
disease activity occurs in almost all lupus
patients.
Lupus is in the same class of
illness as rheumatoid arthritis. It’s an
autoimmune disease, one brought on by the immune
system attacking many body organs and tissues.
Joints and muscles are targets. The wrists,
hands, elbows, knees and ankles are the joints
most often involved. Skin rashes are common. One
rash is often mentioned. It’s a redness on
both cheeks connected by a red bar over the
bridge of the nose. This is the
"butterfly" rash of lupus, seen less
often than it is talked about. The kidneys, heart
and nervous system can be affected.
The outlook for an individual
lupus patient depends on how many organs are
involved and how well the patient responds to
treatment. There isn’t a cure. There are
many control medicines. Lupus typically has
periods of worsening and periods when the illness
goes into remission. Medicines make remissions
longer and longer.
Lupus has no special diet.
Exercise is encouraged when the illness is in
remission. You or your daughter can contact the
Lupus Foundation of America for more information
and for becoming acquainted with other patients
in your town. The website is www.lupus.org, and
the phone number is 202-349-1155.
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Copyright 1997-2011 by
Heritage Publishing. All rights reserved.
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