| today's
laugh Couple in their nineties are both having
problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor
tells them that they’re physically okay, but they
might want to start writing things down to help them
remember
Later that night, while watching TV,
the old man gets up from his chair. ‘Want anything
while I’m in the kitchen?’ he asks.
‘Will you get me a bowl of ice
cream?’
‘Sure..’
‘Don’t you think you should
write it down so you can remember it?’ she asks.
‘No, I can remember it.’
‘Well, I’d like some
strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down,
so not to forget it?’
He says, ‘I can remember that. You
want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.’
‘I’d also like whipped cream.
I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it
down?’ she asks.
Irritated, he says, ‘I don’t
need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with
strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness
sake!’
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After
about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen
and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares
at the plate for a moment.
‘Where’s my toast ?’
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the
doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris
walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on
his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor
spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing
great, aren’t you?’
Morris replied, ‘Just doing what
you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be
cheerful.’’
The doctor said, ‘I didn’t
say that.. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur;
be careful."
1911
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
Carpenter’s Finger
Mashed.
J. F. Wheeler has the end of a finger
badly mashed by a falling scantling while at work on the
Wells & Wiggins annex Saturday evening. He is off
duty today.
"There is only one chance to save
your life and that is through an operation," were
the startling words heard by Mrs. I. B. Hunt of Lime
Ridge, Wis., from her doctor, after he had vainly tried
to cure her of a frightful case of Stomach Trouble and
yellow jaundice. Gall stones had formed and she
constantly grew worse. Then she began to use Electric
Bitters, which wholly cured her. It’s a wonderful
Stomach, Liver and Kidney remedy. Cures Dyspepsis, Loss
of Appetite. Only 50 cents. Guaranteed. For sale by A. H.
Caffee & Co.
Amos Johnson of Minnesota is here for a
visit with his sister Mrs. Margaret Platt.
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Today's Feature Chamber Annual Banquet.
The Carthage Chamber of
Commerce 2011 Annual Banquet, to be held on
Friday, January 21st in n Carthage Memorial Hall.
will feature the theme of an island experience
for their members. A social hour featuring the
Carthage High School Jazz Band will begin at 6
p.m., followed by dinner catered by B&C
Catering, and the awards ceremony at 7 p.m.
Sponsorships are available to members to help
raise funds to underwrite the event, and the
other programs and services of the Chamber.
Awards will be presented for:
Outgoing Chamber Board
ATHENA Award
Artist Award
Golden Key Awards
Spotlight Award
Small Business of the Year
Award
Richard M. Webster Citizen of
the Year Award
Members who wish to register
for the 2011 Annual Banquet should contact Mary
Jo or for further information about the Carthage
Chamber or upcoming Chamber events, contact the
Chamber office at 358-2373.
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
My grandad had onea those
hearin’ aids that he carried in his
pocket. A wire ran up and hung from his ear.
The theory in the family
was that when he didn’t wanna listen he
just shut the thing off. At least that was
what grandma used ta think.
Like most advances in
technology, grandad found a higher use, that
was not usin’ the technology except as a
decoy.
The "computer is
down" excuse always brings the question
of whether there is a technology problem or
if there is actually a more human default.
Cell phones are
becomin’ a handy excuse for not
talkin’ to someone. If ya don’t
want to be bothered, ya turn the thing off.
I’m guessin’ Grandad woulda had
onea those too.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’.
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Weekly
Columns
CLICK and CLACK
TALK
CARS
Dear Tom and Ray:
Last summer, I was commuting
home from work on the highway, and my 1998 Nissan
Maxima started to overheat. The temperature
outside was 90+. The engine started heaving, so I
had to pull off the interstate and sit for a
while, waiting for the engine to cool.
Incredibly, right next to where I stopped, I
found a 40-ounce bottle of Schlitz Malt Liquor,
unopened. My inclination was to pour the beer
into the radiator; however , my 19-year-old son
advised against it, thinking it might damage the
cooling system. I called my 24-year-old son, who
also thought I was crazy. I took their advice,
but still thought it would be OK. What do you
think? - Bob
Ray: I think it would have been
OK in a dire emergency, Bob. If you had been
stuck in Death Valley, with the sun beating down
on you and the coyotes circling, sure. You just
pour it and hope for the best.
Tom: It’s mostly water.
It’s got a little bit of alcohol in it,
which used to be used as antifreeze. But the hops
and barley and molasses and day-old soup, or
whatever else they put in there, probably
won’t do your cooling system any good. And
it would have to be drained out once you got back
to civilization.
Ray: Plus, when the
engine’s overheating, you can’t even
remove the radiator cap until it cools down.
Tom: And if you’re going
to have to sit there for an hour anyway, you
might as well drink the Schlitz, wait for the tow
truck to bring you some real coolant.
Ray: And by the way, Bob, I
hope you realize how rare it is that "19-
and 24-year-old boys," "40-ounce malt
liquor" and "wise decision" end up
in the same sentence.
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