| today's
laugh A lady was walking down the street to work and
she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.
The parrot said to her, "Hey lady,
you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious!
She stormed past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot
and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really
ugly." She was incredibly ticked now.
The next day the same parrot again said
to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
The lady was so ticked that she went
into the store and warned she would sue the store and
kill the bird. The store manager replied profusely and
promised he would make sure the parrot didn’t say it
again.
When the lady walked past the store
that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey
lady."
She paused and said,"Yes?"
The bird said, "You know."
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live
with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry
house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be
Gods!
A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live
with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry
house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a
God!
A man is driving up a steep, narrow
mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As
they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and
yells, "PIG!"
The man immediately leans out his
window and replies, "Stupid!"
They each continue on their way, and as
the man rounds the next corner he slams into a pig in the
middle of the road.
"Have you got any kittens going
cheap?" Asked a customer in a pet shop.
"No, sir," replied the owner.
"All our kittens go "Meow."
1911
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
RAN AWAY FROM HOME.
Boy Preferred
"Hoeing His Own Row"
to Hoeing Weeds.
A 10-year old boy named Clark ran away
from the farm of Owen Weeks, northwest of town yesterday
afternoon, and Mr. Weeks was in town today looking for
him.
He had put the boy at work hoeing weeds
and at supper time he had proved to have jumped his job,
taking $1.35 from a purse containing $8 of Mr. Weeks
money.
Investigation shows that he spent the
stormy night at the home of Billy McDaniels, a stone
cutter, in town, and this morning asked Officer Drake the
way to Joplin. He took the next car for the mining
metropolis, and Mr. Weeks decided not to follow him
there. He evidently prefers hoeing his own row to hoeing
someone else’s weeds.
The lad, an orphan, was brought here
from Duenweg by Mr. Weeks, who undertook to raise him.
Howard Gray is the boy’s guardian.
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Today's Feature Final Filing for City Council.
Ward 1 No one filed
Ward 2
Wayne Walter
1005 Sycamore unopposed
Ward 3
Charles G. Scott
1243 Douglas Court
Steve Leibbrand
1654 Connor Drive
Ward 4 (1 year)
John Cooper
1333 Hafner Court
Lee Carlson 721 Euclid
Ward 4 (2 year)
Bill Welch 302 Euclid
Dan Rife 1841 Wynnwood
Ward 5
Adam Givens 1722 Hillcrest
Ed Hardesty 118 Wiggins
Lujene Clark 1803 S. Maple
NASCAR THIS WEEK
By
Monte Dutton
NASCAR in
Wonderland
This is the time of year when
everything is going to be better. In part, this
is because the NASCAR season hasn’t started.
The same driver who fretted and
commiserated over the notion that Daytona
International Speedway was going to be repaved is
now describing that occurrence as the greatest
thing since the first NASCAR track (Darlington
Raceway) was paved in 1950.
"It’s so smooth. I
think we might race four-wide. On every lap. Five
wide on the last lap. Guaranteed photo
finish."
The same guy who said brand
loyalty was something of an obsolete concept is
now exulting because changes in design are going
to "promote brand loyalty again."
The same guy who once declared
that the Chase should only be open to legitimate
contenders is now poised to jump up and down and
use party favors while chanting, "The more
the merrier! The more the merrier! ..."
Pep rallies come to mind, and
they actually might be just as interesting, and
more festive, than the current press conferences
in which all the drivers do their best Robert
Gibbs and recite talking points.
With six you get egg roll, and
with pep rallies, you get a band, cheerleaders
and pompons. Guys such as I might balk a little
at having to clap along with the fight songs, but
there would be enough radio and TV networks to
throw together a decent card section.
"The weather outside is
frightful, but the fire is so delightful."
It doesn’t just apply to the weather. The
fire will get even more delightful in a couple
weeks when NASCAR media attend a tour (and
despite it being a "tour," much of it
will be in the same place).
More than the season might be
brand-new. There could be a new Chase, a new
Nationwide format, a new fuel, a new engine, new
front ends ... NASCAR might even take credit for
the Panthers’ new coach, the START Treaty
and a vital new breakthrough in video gaming.
It’s a shame, really, that
Lawrence Welk died before he could raise a baton
in NASCAR.
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
In case ya weren’t
aware, those trees out in the parkway, the
land between the sidewalk and the street,
aren’t yours.
Most folks will argue that
fact as long as the tree is alive and
providin’ shade for the front yard. When
the tree dies, however, the true owner, the
City, is typically asked to remove that
deadwood before it becomes a danger. The City
has little choice, since, the tree is their
responsibility, or liability as the case
might be.
The situation becomes a
little less clear when a tree on the City
parkway grows to the point of breakin’
up your sidewalk, which also rests on the
City parkway. The sidewalk is your
responsibility. You can see why folks get a
little confused about trees and sidewalks,
especially if you (or your grandfather)
planted the tree without consultin’ the
City.
This is some fact, but,
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’.
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Metcalf Auto Supply |
Weekly
Columns
CLICK and CLACK
TALK
CARS
Dear Tom and Ray:
I have a 1999 Camry CE that is
maintained on a regular basis. Yesterday the car
was parked in a garage for about one hour. I
returned and turned on the ignition. After one
minute, I saw on the panel the oil and electrical
red symbols. Then I heard an explosion. The car
did not move or shake. I turned off the ignition,
got out and saw oil leaking onto the ground under
the front hood. I also saw two huge bolts and
three heavy metal pieces. My mechanic could not
explain the cause of this explosion. He said it
is a one-in-a-million incident since the car has
only 43,000 miles on it. What is your theory
-Beatrice
TOM: Wow! That’s exciting.
No one is going to top THAT story this week.
RAY: I have to guess that a
connecting rod broke. The connecting rods connect
the pistons to the crankshaft and transfer the
power that’s produced by the detonations in
the cylinders.
TOM: A thrown rod would explain
everything. It would explain the explosive sound,
which was the connecting rod bursting through
your oil pan or the engine block. It would
explain the oil, which then leaked out. And it
would explain why you now need a new engine.
RAY: But Toyota did have a
problem with these engines getting
"gelled," or "sludged," with
oil, which can lead to poor oil circulation --
and eventually to no oil circulation. In fact, a
number of sludged Toyota engines failed in
exactly the way you describe, by throwing a
connecting rod.
TOM: The good news is that
Toyota recognized this problem, and extended the
warranty for this problem for all affected Toyota
engines built between 1997 and 2002. The bad news
is that it extended the warranty to eight years.
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Copyright 2011, Heritage
Publishing. All rights reserved.
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