| today's
laugh A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding
car.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded
to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting.
The trooper cranked down his window and
yelled to the driver--"PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back,
"SCARF!"
The National Institute of Health (NIH)
announced last week that they were going to start using
lawyers instead of rats in their experiments. Naturally,
the American Bar Association was outraged and filed suit.
Yet, the NIH presented some very good reasons for the
switch.
1. The lab assistants were becoming
very attached to their little rats. This emotional
involvement was interfering with the research being
conducted. No such attachment could form for a lawyer.
2. Lawyers breed faster and are in much
greater supply.
3. Lawyers are much cheaper to care for
and the humanitarian societies won’t jump all over
you no matter what you’re studying.
4. There are some things even a rat
won’t do.
A rather well proportioned young lady,
spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof
of the hotel.
She wore a bathing suit the first day
but, on the second, being a naturist, she decided that no
one could see her way up there, & she slipped out of
it for an overall tan.
She’d hardly begun when she heard
someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her
stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.
"Excuse me, miss," said the
flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of
breath from running up the stairs. "The hotel
doesn’t mind you sunbathing on the roof but we would
very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you
did yesterday."
"What difference does it
make," Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can
see me up here, and besides, I’m covered with a
towel."
"Not exactly," said the
embarrassed little man. "You’re lying on the
dining room skylight."
An Amishman runs into the bishop of his
church after missing the morning service. "I missed
you at service this morning," the Bishop says.
"Well, Bishop", the Amishman
says, "I had some hay to put up. I figured it was
better to sit on a bale of hay thinking about God than to
sit in church thinking about hay."
Clones are people two.
1911
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
Cornerstone of
Carthage Marble.
The cornerstone for the new Catholic
church at Denison, Tex., T. K. Crowley, pastor, will be
laid on Sunday. The cornerstone is an elegant piece of
Carthage marble furnished by the Carthage Stone Co. It
was neatly carved, lettered and polished by E. C. Thym
and presents a fine appearance. The church will be built
of brick trimmed in Carthage stone and will cost $50,000
when completed.
Teachers Examination.
State superintendent of public schools,
John R. Kirke, will be in Carthage to conduct
examinations for state teacher certificates at the High
school building. County superintendent, W. N. Wharton
will conduct examinations at the high school building on
the 19th.
Bits of Information.
An order has been issued forbidding the
sale of liquor in the restaurants of the Maine Central
railroad.
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Today's Feature Sidewalk Sale
July 23.
The Carthage Chamber of
Commerce’s Annual Summer Sidewalk Sale is
scheduled for Saturday, July 23rd. Is your
business ready? "Businesses from the far
south side of Carthage all the way to the
downtown Square have already committed to taking
part in this year’s event, but there are
still many businesses we’d like to have
participate." said Neely Myers, Membership
Director.
"If you’re a
retailer, ask yourself what you can do to get
people in your door," said Myers. "What
teasers can you put out to draw interest and foot
traffic to your business?"
As in past years, the Greater
British Motor Club will host its annual car show
on the square in conjunction with the retail
event. The Carthage Farmer’s Market will be
open that morning on the north side of the
Square. The Historic Downtown Art Walk is also
scheduled to be held around the Square that
Friday evening and Saturday from 10-3.
For additional information,
please contact Neely at 358-2373 or
nmyers@carthagechamber.com.
Jasper
County Jail Count
219 June 30,
2011
Total
Including Placed out of County
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
Some things are just hard
to explain. ‘Course usually they
aren’t near as complicated as we make
them out to be.
The hard part is
gettin’ through the explainin’
without gettin’ your britches warmed.
That’s what makes it hard.
I was fortunate as a kid
that usually, if the act wasn’t
intentional, and the explainin’ was
exceptional, I’d get by with a stern
lecture and maybe less freedom for a
predetermined amount of time.
The football player was
prob’ly the most unusual though. I was
watchin’ tv and was plannin’ on
goin’ outside to shoot the BB gun. I
took careful aim with the weapon and slowly
pulled the trigger. Wham! I was impressed
with the marksmanship, but totally surprised
that the air rifle went off. I had no idea it
was cocked. I didn’t do any more
shootin’ for a while.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’
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| Sponsored by
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Weekly
Column
artCentral
ART NOTES from
Hyde House
by Sally Armstrong,
Director of artCentral
Could there have been a more
perfect night than last Friday for great weather?
Yes, it was a bit warm, but considering the day
before the forecast was for 70% rain, I think we
did pretty well! Our opening night for the Annual
Membership show was well attended and a great
success, with over 60 members and guests
attending, some with their families. The board of
directors all turned out to help, and kudos to
Sarah Ross, Helen Kunze, Kristin Huke, Jackie
Boyer & Melody Knowles for manning the
kitchen and to Dean Vandergriff, Pat Goff and my
husband Dan for erecting the three tents,
carrying tables and chairs and then doing the
reverse after it was over! That’s heavy
labor and the boys were appreciated. My thanks
too, to members Mary Jean and Steve Beimdiek for
assisting at the food table collecting the funds.
Thanks everybody, we couldn’t have done it
without you! Our award winners for this year
include, Dan McWilliams of Jasper, 1st Award and
300.00 for his oil painting "COFFEE",
to Jim Bilgere of Carthage, 2nd Award and 200.00
for his watercolor "A PARK IN PRAGUE",
Mary Ann Soerries of Joplin, 3RD Award and 100.00
for her photograph "HUMMINGBIRD NEST",
and John Mills of Lamar, the Underwriter’s
Award and 100.00 for his oil painting
"CANTALOUPE WITH BLUE PITCHER".
Congratulations to all of these winners, and to
everybody who brought their work again this year.
Some of our artists are donating all or a portion
of the sale of their work to the Joplin relief
effort, and one painting was sold last night,
that of Tyla Raredon. The $150.00 from the sale
of this painting will be directed to the Joplin
Humane Society at her request, and we know it
will be appreciated. I know the upcoming weekend
is a holiday, and we have some special hours
posted on our door, so call first to hear our
holiday hours if you desire to come over and view
this beautiful show. My hours the second weekend
of July will be as usual, Friday – Sunday,
noon to 5:00.
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Publishing. All rights reserved.
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