| today's
laugh The National Transportation Safety Board
recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with
the US auto makers for the past five years, whereby the
auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel
drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal
accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds
before the crash. They were surprised to find in 47 of
the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent
of fatal crashes were, "Oh, NO!"
Only the states of South Carolina, West
Virginia and Arkansas were different, where over 89.3
percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer and
watch this!"
NASA was interviewing professionals to
be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn’t
return to Earth.
The first applicant, an engineer, was
asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. ‘A
million dollars,’ he answered, ‘because I want
to donate it to M.I.T.’
The next applicant, a doctor, was asked
the same question. He asked for $2 million. ‘I want
to give a million to my family,’ he explained,
‘and leave the other million for the advancement of
medical research.’
The last applicant was a lawyer. When
asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the
interviewer’s ear, ‘Three million
dollars.’
‘Why so much more than the
others?’ asked the interviewer.
The lawyer replied, ‘If you give
me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll
keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to
Mars.’
New Exercises
Begin by standing on a comfortable
surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With
a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms
straight out from your sides and hold them there as long
as you can.
Try to reach a full minute, and then
relax. Each day, you’ll find that you can hold this
position for just a bit longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to
10-lb potato sacks.
Then try 50-lb potato sacks and then
eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb
potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for
more than a full minute. (I’m at this level)
After you feel confident at that level,
put a potato in each of the sacks.
"We are ready for an unforeseen
event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore, VP
"Traditionally, most of
Australia’s imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
"Your food stamps will be stopped
effective March 1992 because we received notice that you
passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there
is a change in your circumstances." --Department of
Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
1911
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
Married at Baxter
Springs.
Chas. P. Wood and Miss Emily Valentine,
both well-known young people of this city, were united in
marriage on Sunday, at the home of the bride’s uncle
in Baxter Springs, Kansas. The license was procured at
Columbus, Kansas, and the marriage was quietly performed
and kept a secret for the reason that there was parental
objection to the wedding on both sides. It had been the
plan of the young people to keep their marriage a
profound secret for a year and then make it known
publicly, but it leaked out in spite of their plans. Mr.
Wood is a local reporter and well-known in Carthage,
being a high school graduate, a prominent member of the
Carthage Light Guard, and generally well liked by all
that know him. Miss Valentine is also a high school
graduate, having been a member of the same class with Mr.
Wood. She is a bright, pretty girl, and has a wide circle
of friends.
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Today's Feature July 9th
Sesquicentennial Commemoration Schedule of Events
Central Park in
Carthage, Missouri
9:30 AM – 4
PM Vendors Open
9:30 AM Heartland
Band performs
10:00 AM Opening
Ceremonies
Master of
Ceremonies – Tom Flanigan
Featuring the
Holmes Brigade
10:15 AM Official
Commemoration
Mayor Mike Harris
Congressman Billy
Long
Steve McIntosh for
Senator Roy
Blunt’s Office
Senator Ron
Richard
Representative Tom
Flanigan
11:30 AM Memorial
Retiring of Colors
12:00 – 1:30
PM Judy Domeny performs Traditional Music
12:00- 4 PM Living
History Displays including Cannon, Stump
Speeches, Nerf Cannon and the Union German
American Project
Other Community
Activities on Saturday,
Kiwanis Kiddieland
in Municipal Park
Demonstrations at
the Battle of Carthage State Historic Site
Civil War Exhibit
"Divided Loyalties" and an interactive
downtown History Hunt at Powers Museum (open at 1
pm)
Jasper
County Jail Count
186 July 7, 2011
Total
Including Placed out of County
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
The basic premise that the
natural order of things is ta be in chaos is
comforting at times. There are times that I
feel I’m livin’ a little closer to
nature than I’d like. All we can hope
for is "controlled chaos."
The example sometimes used
is a balloon filled with hellium. The gas is
flyin’ around inside the balloon
tryin’ to expand and get out into the
atmosphere. The balloon is the
controllin’ factor, bringin’ some
order to it all and at least providin’
entertainment for the child at the other end
of the string.
Even in this situation,
there is always the random possibility that
some other kid has discovered the excitement
of insertin’ a pin into the mix.
If ya want ta experience
chaos, try to explain to a three year old
where his toy disappeared to and the natural
order of random acts by the neighbor’s
kid.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’.
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Carthage Printing |
Weekly
Column
artCentral
ART NOTES from
Hyde House
by Sally Armstrong,
Director of artCentral
The time is winding down to be
able to see the art in our current exhibition,
the annual Membership Show. This group of 59
works will be still viewable this weekend, Friday
noon to 5:00, Saturday noon to 5:00 and Sunday
1:00 to 5:00, and then it will close to ready the
gallery for our kid’s camp, the next order
of business for artCentral. We had some folks
over during the past holiday weekend, one lady
from Neosho for the first time. I am always
pleased when someone discovers us for the first
time, and she did so having seen the nice article
written about us last Sunday in the Joplin GLOBE.
That publication was particularly interested in
the works that relate back to the tornado, and I
appreciated the coverage given us in that venue.
My thanks to Tyla Raredon and Jim Bilgere,
docents of artCentral who assisted in the past
two weekends. Now, we will be re-arranging things
a bit to ready the Pottery House classrooms and
galleries for our kids who will be beginning camp
on the 18th, and who will be there every day
through the end of the month. I have about 40
"camper artists" thus far, but
certainly am hoping for more, so if you have been
considering sending in your child’s
registration and just haven’t done it, now
is a perfect time! The Pottery Wheel- Throwing
class is full, but we have a good availability in
most other classes at this time. A fine local
artist and citizen of Carthage passed away
recently, and we thank the family of Richard
Logsdon who have graciously and generously named
artCentral as one of his places for memorial
contributions. I know that many students may find
a need for assistance this year with their
classes, and thanks to Mr. Logsdon and other
patrons we do have some scholarship funds
available, so please inquire if that is something
of interest to you. Dick Logsdon exhibited
primarily in New England, having lived in Vermont
for a time, and his paintings are owned by many
Carthage citizens as well as others across the
country. His beautiful oils were very
representational of rural and small town life,
and were a joy to view. I was able to be present
at his last showing of work at the St.Lukes Care
Center this past spring, and am so glad he was
able to have that last showing of work locally.
If you are interested in further information
about artCamp, we have brochures with
registration cards on our porch at Hyde House,
1110 E. 13th St. or you can find some at the
Carthage Library in the children’s area.
Come out and see our member’s work this
weekend, the last for this exhibition!
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Copyright 2011, Heritage
Publishing. All rights reserved.
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