| today's
laugh The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney,
walks into a room to meet with his accountant. The
Godfather asks the accountant, "Where’s the
three million bucks you embezzled from me?"
The accountant doesn’t answer.
The Godfather asks again,
"Where’s the three million bucks you embezzled
from me?"
The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the
man is a deaf-mute and cannot understand you, but I can
interpret for you."
The Godfather says, "Well, ask him
where the @#!*@#!* money is."
The attorney, using sign language, asks
the accountant where the three million dollars is.
The accountant signs back, "I
don’t know what you’re talking about." The
attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He
doesn’t know what you’re talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts
it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and
says, "Ask him again where the @#!*@#!* money
is!"
The attorney signs to the accountant,
"He wants to know where it is!"
The accountant signs back, "Okay!
Okay! The money’s hidden in a suitcase behind the
shed in my backyard!"
The Godfather says, "Well, what
did he say?"
The attorney interprets to the
Godfather, "He says that you don’t have the
guts to pull the trigger."
1911
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
Farm House on George
Koontz’s Place Robbed.
The house on George W. Koontz’s
dairy farm 3 1/2 miles east of Carthage on the Avilla
road was entered by burglars yesterday while the family
who occupy it was away on a visit. The thieves cut a
screen, unlocked the door and walked in. They made off
with a watch belonging to Dave Thomas, who lives on the
place and a razor and a small amount of money.
Cars
Will Run Thru Sunday.
Beginning Sunday the cars on the
electric line will run through to Galena without change.
The cars will leave Carthage on the same time as
heretofore. The running time from Carthage to Joplin will
still be an hour and a half. The time from Joplin to
Galena will now be 30 minutes.
County school superintendent, W. N.
Wharton, returned yesterday from Jefferson City where he
had been on school business.
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Today's Feature Branson
Entertainers Rally for Joplin
Branson entertainers will be
stepping up to the microphone to raise money to
help residents of Joplin impacted by the May 22
tornado.
On Sunday, June 26, at the
Mansion Theatre in Branson, more than 40 acts
from various Branson shows will take to the stage
as part of "Branson Cares: A Joplin Benefit
concert and telethon."
Show tickets to the 3,000-seat
theatre will be available for a minimum donation
of $50. Tickets can be purchased at the theatre
and online.
In addition to the live
performance, the 7-10 p.m. show will be televised
on RFD-TV and other television stations around
the Midwest, including KOAM and Fox 14 stations
from Joplin. It will also be available streaming
live online and on select radio stations. Some TV
stations will be able to air only part of the
performance.
Viewers who cannot make it to
the show in Branson will be able to watch a
telecast and pledge to the cause by phone, by
text or online.
Attendees will also be able to
donate to the cause by bidding in a silent
auction and by attending a VIP meet and greet
event.
While the list is still
growing, performers slated to appear during the
three-hour show include: Jim Stafford, Tony
Orlando, The Lennon Sisters, Shoji Tabuchi, The
Hughes Brothers, The Duttons, The Haygoods, Jim
Barber and many more.
All proceeds from the events
will go specifically toward helping to rebuild
non-profit St. John’s Mercy Hospital as well
as to replenish the destroyed band instruments
for the Joplin school system.
Jasper
County Jail Count
214 June 14,
2011
Total
Including Placed out of County
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 |
Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
I didn’t get an
"allowance" on a regular basis
while growin’ up. My folks encouraged
such things as paper routes or lawn
mowin’ for extra money.
On the occasion that a
legitimate purchase was necessary, there
would always be careful consideration before
the money was allocated.
Havin’ an older
brother, may folks were well aware of such
innocent requests as bein’ able to go
out for basketball for instance. Right off
the bat there was a pair a shoes. Baseball
included the cleats, glove, hat, and other
miscellaneous protective equipment.
There was the
understandin’ at our house that once the
investment was made, an honest effort was
expected. The next season’s purchase was
dependent on that.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’.
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Weekly
Column
HERE’S A TIP
By
JoAnn Derson
• Use a measuring cup when
adding detergent to the washer. You’ll avoid
using too much detergent, which can get costly.
You’ll also avoid having residual soap left
in the fabric.
• If you have air
conditioning, use a programmable thermostat. You
can set it to a higher temperature overnight,
when it’s naturally cooler, and have it cool
down the house right about the time you’ll
get home, so there’s no wasted energy
cooling a house with no one in it.
• "When putting
woody-stemmed flowers, such as roses, in a vase,
cut the stem diagonally and whack with a small
mallet. It will absorb water much better this
way." -- A.R. in Mississippi
• Save small milk cartons
and wash well. Fill with water and freeze. You
can use these in your picnic basket for an easy
cold pack to keep foods chilled.
• Too many suds in the
sink? Try sprinkling them with salt. The foam
will settle down quickly!
• "Shower rings (the
hooks that hold your shower curtain to the
curtain bar) can be used for lots of things. I
keep one in my sewing basket to hold safety pins.
It’s terrific, and the pins are orderly and
easy to find." -- E.L. in Utah
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Publishing. All rights reserved.
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