| today's
laugh "Is there anything wrong?" asked
bartender of the young, well-dressed customer who sat
staring grimly into his drink. "Two months ago my
grandfather died and left me one- hundred thousand
dollars" said the man. "That doesn’t sound
like anything to be upset about," said the
bartender. "It should happen to me."
"Yeah," said the sour young man, "but last
month an uncle on my father’s side passed away. He
left me ninety-five thousand dollars." "So why
are you sitting here looking so unhappy?" Asked the
bartender. "This month – so far – not a
cent."
A crying, three-legged dog walks into a
bar and says, "I’m looking for the man who shot
my paw."
A set of jumper cables goes into a bar.
The bartender sees them and asks, "Hey, what are you
doing in here?" "Just want to have a drink and
relax awhile," was the reply. "Well, all right.
Just don’t start anything!"
Grandpa: boy, how many miles do you
walk to school?
Boy: about a half mile.
Grandpa: when I was your age I walked
eight miles to school every day. Boy, what are your
grades like?
Boy: they are mostly B’s.
Grandpa: when I was your age I got all
A’s. Boy, have you ever gotten into a fight?
Boy: only two times and the boy beat me
up.
Grandpa: When I was your age I was in a
fight every day. Boy, how old are you?
Boy: 9 years old.
Grandpa: when I was your age I was 11
1911
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
BOY STRUCK BY RUNAWAY
HORSE.
Elmer Ellis, of Mound
and Maple, the Victim, but not Seriously Hurt.
Elmer Ellis, the nine-year-old son of
Mrs. Tennessee Ellis, of the northeast corner of Mound
and Maple streets, was knocked down by a runaway horse
yesterday afternoon about five o’clock. He was much
cut and bruised, but it is thought not seriously injured.
The horse belonged to Frank Melugin, .
The horse had been led to the Melugin front fence, but
became scared at something, broke his halter and ran
wildly east on Mound street.
The boy who was hauling a basket of
laundry, saw the horse coming and turned out to one side
of the road just as the horse turned the same way to go
around the little wagon. The result was that he struck
the wagon, hurling it violently against the boy, knocking
him onto the hard and rocky ground with great force. The
boy bled a great deal and was cut on the head in two or
three places and his face was badly skinned, one eye
swelling shut in a few seconds. Dr. Burch was called and
dressed his injuries in good shape. The horse turned
south on Main street and was caught near Second street.
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Today's Feature Carver
Scholarship.
The George Washington Carver
Birthplace Association (CBA), in conjunction with
the George Washington Carver National Monument,
is pleased to accept applications for the 2011
Scholastic Scholarship. This scholarship program
recognizes educational excellence and outstanding
public service in honor of Dr. George Washington
Carver, Educator, Scientist, and Humanitarian.
This scholarship opportunity is designed to
inspire the creative minds of young people who
are seeking a post high school education in
Science, Art, Agriculture, Music, or Education.
The amount of the award is $500.00 for the
2011/12 academic year ($250.00/semester). To be
considered eligible, an applicant must meet the
following requirements:
1. Must be graduating from an
accredited local high school in the spring of
2011 and be eligible for enrollment in college by
the fall of 2011, or be completing a high school
equivalent home school program in the spring of
2011 and be eligible for enrollment in college by
the fall of 2011.
2. Be pursuing study in one of
the following disciplines: Science, Art,
Agriculture, Music, or Education.
3. Attend an accredited college
(2 or 4 years) within 75 miles of George
Washington Carver National Monument; or attend
Iowa State University, Tuskegee University, or
Simpson College in Indianola, Iowa.
4. Criteria used to award
scholarship include: need, academic achievement
and community involvement.
5. If selected as a finalist,
applicants may be asked to complete an interview
with the scholarship committee.
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
If you’re like me, ya
wonder exactly where that money goes that ya
might give to any certain organization. That
is prob’ly one a the best reasons to
consider the Carthage United Way. Most of the
money either stays right here in Carthage or
is used for services available to local
people. Only about 11% is used for
administration and campaign expenses.
One a the things that is
impressive is the way the Carthage United Way
Board of Directors are good stewards of your
money. All agencies that receive funding are
held accountable for those funds. They
present their budget for scrutiny each year
and available funding is spread in an
equitable manner. If you have an extra buck
or two a month, ya couldn’t find a
better place to put it to use.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’.
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Weekly
Columns
THIS IS A HAMMER
By Samantha Mazzotta
The Best of the
Best
Q: I’m planning to buy my
first handheld drill, but I’m torn as to
what to pick: a drill with a power cord, or a
cordless drill? Don’t rechargeable drills
have less power? -- Sandra U., Detroit
A: For overall usefulness,
I’d go with a rechargeable cordless drill.
And I’d spend the extra money for a quality
model. That way you’re going to get a tool
that has plenty of power for several levels of
household repair tasks and a good quality
rechargeable battery that will last a good while.
Of course, the top benefit of a
cordless drill is ease of use: You just grab it
out of the charger and take it anywhere in the
house. No need to worry about how long the cord
is or where your extension cord is at.
***
Q: I’m utterly confused at
all the varieties of nails out there. Can you
explain which types are used for what? -- Jim in
San Diego
A: Once a do-it-yourselfer
finds he or she needs nails classified somewhat
more distinctly than "big" or
"small," the right nail for the job can
be somewhat elusive. Here’s some basic nail
terminology.
• Nail length is measured
in a unit called a "penny," or
"d" for short. An 8-penny or
"8d" nail is 2.5 inches long, while a
10-penny or "10d" nail is 3 inches
long.
• "Common" nails
typically measure 6d, 8d or 10d and are used for
simple repair tasks; they have a wider, flat head
and no threading.
• "Finishing"
nails are used for interior or exterior trim or
paneling; they have small heads that can be
driven below the surface and hidden under putty.
• "Barbed" nails
have small barbs pointing backwards from the tip
and have more holding power than a common nail
(but can destroy the wood when pulled out).
• "Annular
threaded" nails have a series of
backward-facing grooves and are used to put up
plywood and drywall.
• "Spiral" nails
have just that, a spiral groove that turns the
nail as it’s driven in. They’re
typically used on hardwood flooring.
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Publishing. All rights reserved.
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