| today's
laugh A man not knowledgeable of antiques, or their
history, was standing next to a woman who was looking at
a century old painting. As she stood admiring the
priceless painting she said to the man that the painting
went back to Louie The Fourteenth. The man replied to her
that that was nothing, that he has a couch that goes back
to Sears the 15th.
A couple attended marriage counseling
to resolve communication problems. The fighting and
bickering during the session was so bad the counselor
called for a timeout and told them he was ending the
session early but had an assignment for the husband.
"John," the marriage
counselor said, "you’re an athletic guy… .
I want you to jog 10 miles everyday for the next 30 days.
At the end of the 30 days call me and let me know how
things are going." John agreed.
At the end of the 30 days, John called
the marriage counselor very excited. "I did just as
you said and I have never felt better in my life!"
he exclaimed over the phone.
"Great!" replied the
counselor, " And how’s your wife?"
John paused and then replied with
agitated dismay, "How should I know, I’m 300
miles from home!"
A widower who never paid any attention
to his wife while she was alive now found himself missing
her desperately. He went to a psychic to see if he could
contact his late wife. The psychic went into a tranc and
suddenly, the man heard the unmistakable voice of his
dearly departed wife. "Honey!" he cried.
"Is that you?" "Yes, my husband."
"Are you happy?" "Yes, my husband."
"Happier than you were with me?" "Yes, my
husband." "Then Heaven must be an amazing
place!" "I’m not in Heaven."
1911
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
NOTES FROM SCHOOL.
Among the interesting plants the
botanists are studying is the Pitcher plant, so-called on
account of the way it holds water, and thus many insects
are drowned, from which source the plant gets its
nitrogen supply. The species in the laboratory were
gotten from the botanical garden in Washington, while
Miss Van Neman was visiting there. Other plants are a
zerophytic plant sent from Arizona, an Indian plant,
which was gotten south of town, and a sun-due.
Miss Cupp has secured several prominent
men in Carthage to lecture to the High School senior
history class. Among those who will speak are E. B.
Jacobs, who will talk on banking; Allen McReynolds and
Westley Halliburton. A number of others will also be
secured. Also, at a meeting of Central school teachers
they decided to give every pupil who is absent from class
on account of sickness, or for other reasons an
examination at the end of the month.
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Today's Feature 2nd Annual CHS
Alumni Basketball Tournament.
The Carthage High School Alumni
Association (CHSAA) hosts the 2nd Annual Alumni
Basketball Tournament on Saturday, April 2 at
Carthage High School. Men’s and Women’s
divisions are planned.
The tournament entry fee is $10
per person. All CHS alumni basketball players
(except current collegiate players) are invited
to participate. Registration deadline is March
18, 2011. Players should put together their own
teams. Individual registrations will be
accommodated when possible based on team openings
available.
The event features single
elimination bracket play beginning at 3 pm. Doors
open at 2:30. Admission is $5 donation for adults
and no charge for children ages 12 and under.
Proceeds benefit Carthage R-9 School Foundation.
For player registration or
additional information, contact CHS Alumni
Association Chairperson Kelly Hartley at
417.674.7740 or kellyhartley@suddenlink.net, or
Carthage R-9 School Foundation Director Vicki
Cash at 417.359.7047 or cashv@carthage.k12.mo.us.
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
Went to a 60th wedding
anniversary celebration recently. I was
thinkin’ that was a lotta years to be
married, but then got ta figurin’
I’d been around for a good portion of
‘em.
A friend a mine came that
I’d known for forty years. The church
where folks gathered was built when I was
five or so. Folks were talkin’ bout how
long the buildin’ had served the
community and what good shape it was in.
Nobody mentioned that I looked as good as I
did back when I first sat in the pews and
squirmed through the service. I did really
appreciate the padded pews they have now.
Some things are better than they used ta be
when they were new.
Just ta paraphrase my
grandad, there’s no disgrace in
gettin’ older, just inconvenience.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’.
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Carthage Printing |
Weekly
Columns
HERE’S A TIP
By
JoAnn Derson
• Among the many reuses
for plastic newspaper bags: Put soiled diapers in
one before putting in a trash can; use to pick up
after your pet on a walk; fill with grocery store
plastic bags for storage; keep a few to store wet
swimsuits after a trip to the beach or pool.
• Before removing a
splinter, ice the area. There’s less
fussing, and a wooden splinter might absorb some
liquid, causing it to swell enough to pop out a
bit more on its own.
• Recycling paper is good,
but reusing before recycling is even better. Ask
your child’s classroom teacher if he or she
has a "both sides" policy for lined
papers. Also, copy paper that’s printed on
only one side can be quartered for use as quick
notepaper.
• Trying to spot roof
damage but not quite sure you’re ready for a
trip up the ladder? Before you get up on the
roof, get out your binoculars. You’d be
surprised how much you can see from the ground.
Do a cursory examination and then decide if
anything needs a closer look.
• "Cut kitchen
sponges into smaller pieces. They clean as well
as a larger sponge, and you can dispose of the
smaller pieces when they get yucky." -- O.C.
in Michigan
• "Need sliced
mushrooms for your salad or recipe? They are hard
to cut, but you might have a perfect tool for
doing the job already in your kitchen. If you
have an egg slicer, get it out. It works very
well for mushrooms, and it’s easier to use
than trying to cut those slices yourself."
-- J.R. in Utah
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