| today's
laugh Angered at what he felt was a bad call, a pro
player yelled at the referee, "You stink to high
heaven."
The referee picked up the ball, walked
off fifteen yards, and said, "Can you still smell
me?"undertook a twenty-five-year mortage, I wondered
if I’d last that long. Now, I keep wondering if the
house will last that long.
The coach talks it over with his Little
Leaguers: "We have to use sportsmanship. No temper
tantrums, no yelling at the umpire, and no being bad
losers. Do you understand that?"
The kids nod.
The coach goes on, "Good. Now
explain that to your mothers."
I had amnesia once - maybe twice.
1911
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
Location of Three
Lights Changed.
The light committee, to whom had been
previously referred several petitions asking for lights
at different points in the city reported that they found
it almost impossible to add more lights, as the circuits
were loaded.
They had, however, found two lights on
Oak street beyond any house, which they thought could be
used elsewhere; also one other light could be changed in
location a little.
The light committee therefore made a
report recommending that two lights be taken from the
extreme west end of Oak street and one of said lights be
placed on Fall street and the other on Cedar street,
about 400 feet west of Sophia. Also that the light at the
intersection of Macon and River streets, be placed at the
intersection of Orchard and Tenth streets.
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Today's Feature A Christmas
Carol.
Stone’s Throw Dinner
Theatre is proud to present its upcoming
performance of Israel Horowitz’s Adaptation
of Charles Dickens’- A Christmas Carol:
Scrooge and Marley Directed by Tom Brown and
Betsy Fleischaker.
Synopsis: The classic story of
miserly Scrooge who is visited nightly by spirits
that teach him the true meaning of Christmas.
Performances will be held at
Stone’s Throw Dinner Theatre, 796 South
Stone Lane, Carthage, MO on December 8, 9, 10,
11, 2011 & December 15, 16, 17, 18, 2011.
For dinner shows:
Thursday-Saturday doors open at 6:00 pm, dinner
at 6:30 pm and show begins at 7:30 pm. Sunday
performances, doors open at 12:30pm, dinner at
1:00pm with show beginning at 2:00pm.
Prices are $22.00 for adults,
$19.00 for seniors over 55,
$19.00 for youth (13-18),
$10.00 for children (6-12),
$19.00 for Students with ID,
Children 5 and under are free.
Opening night, Veterans with ID
- $15.00.
417-358-9665. Online, contact
stonesthrow@ecarthage.com .
Jasper
County Jail Count
178 November 16,
2011
Total
Including Placed out of County
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
I suppose one a the clues
that the years are creepin’ up on ya is
the number of grandma’s at the family
Thanksgivin’ gatherin’.
‘Course ya have most
ever’one there that at some time or
another reference "grandma" as if
she was the only one. When the kids go
walkin’ through the room callin’
for grandma, nearly ever conversation comes
to a halt. Heads turn and stretch to see
which kid the grandma belongs to.
I’d guess this is onea
the reasons the some families adopt different
pet names for different sets of grandparents.
It could keep the confusion down in a crowd,
but my family seems to keep the traditional
generic terms for their elders. The kids like
the attention, and the grandma’s too.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’.
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| Sponsored by
Metcalf Auto Supply |
Weekly
Column
When I was younger, I had a
friend who had an early-’80s Pontiac
Firebird. It was in rough shape, and it had the
305 small-block engine with a four-barrel
carburetor. It never seemed to run smoothly.
During this time, the owner of the Firebird was
living with a mutual friend, who had a little
brother. The little brother and his friend
didn’t like owner of the Firebird, so for a
week they urinated into a plastic gallon jug
behind the garage, with the intent of dumping it
into the gas tank of the Firebird.
So, one morning the owner of
the Firebird showed up at my door and told me to
hop in. He was really excited, and when I got
into the car, he went on about how his vehicle
was running the best it had ever run, and he
couldn’t figure out why. I had learned the
night before that the "homemade octane
booster" had been added to the tank. Was
this just a fluke occurrence? Or is every
portable potty a fuel source just waiting to be
discovered? -Rob
TOM: Well, we’ve finally
discovered the secret behind Marvel Mystery Oil!
RAY: We don’t have any
idea, Rob. I’ve never tried this, never
wanted to try it and don’t intend to ever
try it.
TOM: I’m glad to hear
that, because now I can eliminate that as the
reason my ‘78 Fiat has been running so well
lately.
RAY: The only possible
explanation I can even make up is that the urea
in the urine served as a cleaning solvent of some
kind and removed some gums and varnishes from the
Firebird’s carburetor and allowed it to
deliver fuel more evenly.
TOM: The fact that we have
other cleaners designed to remove varnishes that
don’t -- as far as I know -- contain urea
reinforces my belief that this answer has no
basis in reality.
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Publishing. All rights reserved.
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