| today's
laugh Most people work just hard enough not to get
fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. George
Carlin
"How has your potato crop turned
out, old chap?" asked one ardent amateur gardener of
his neighbor.
"Splendid, old man," replied
the other; "some are as big as marbles, some as big
as peas, and, of course, quite a lot of little
ones."
You see you have to be careful in that
hotel - when you turn on the hot water faucet cold water
comes out. And when you turn on the cold water faucet hot
water comes out. But it doesn’t make any difference.
Why not?
There’s no hot water.
A study of economics usually reveals
that the best time to buy anything is last year. -Marty
Allen
You know you’re never more
indignant in life than when you’re shopping in a
store you feel is beneath you and one of the other
customers mistakes you for one of the employees of that
store. Dennis Miller
1911
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
A Check Ten Years
Old.
During the past week a check was cashed
at one of the Carthage banks which, on account of the
time which has elapsed since it was drawn is of more than
passing interest. The check was signed by Dr. F.W. Flower
in favor of Dr. J.A. Carter and was tendered in payment
of office rent ten years ago. Dr. Carter misplaced the
check and forgot all about it until it accidentally came
to light a few days ago. It was presented at the bank
upon which it was drawn and as Dr. Flower is still doing
business with the bank at which it was presented it was
readily paid.
Rev. J. S. Porter and wife of
Knobnoster, Mo., arrived Wednesday evening to spend three
or four days with their son, J. P. Porter, night operator
and clerk at the Missouri Pacific depot. Mr. Porter is a
superannuated Methodist minister of the St. Louis
conference and has many friends here.
.
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Today's Feature Police Blotter.
10/18/2011 @ 4:25 a.m., Jamie
D. Hodges, 34 of Osage Beach, MO, was arrested
for Trespassing 1st at 13304 Locust Road in
Jasper County. Sheriff’s Deputies and
Carthage Police Department were at the location
attempting to locate Hodges. Earlier in the
night, the Carthage P.D. was involved in a
pursuit and the vehicle wrecked at CR 137 and
Locust Road. The driver fled on foot from the
scene. Further investigation lead Deputies to a
barn at 13304 Locust Road where Hodges was
located. He was transported to the Carthage
Police Department. Hodges also had a warrant from
the Newton County Sheriff’s Office for
probation violation and a warrant from Camden
County Sheriff’s Office for fraud. The owner
of the barn was contacted and he advised he
didn’t know Hodges and he did not have
permission to be on the property.
The charges for which the above
were arrested are mere accusations and are not
evidence of guilt. Evidence in support of the
charges must be presented before a court of
competent jurisdiction whose duty is to determine
guilt or innocence.
Jasper
County Jail Count
194 October 19,
2011
Total
Including Placed out of County
NASCAR THIS WEEK
By
Monte Dutton
Danica, Danica!
Wherefore Art Thou, Danica?
Every time I come to a NASCAR
track and Danica Patrick is there, an old Elton
John song comes to mind, only with new words.
And ... the same words.
"Danica, Danica, Danica
... Danica, Danica, Danica ... Danica, Danica
..."
Danica is not "alright for
fighting." She’s considered
"alright for NASCAR," though. In fact,
for some reason, she’s considered
instrumental in making stock-car racing grow.
She’s just there, always there, on every
tongue and, in some ways, for no reason.
Oh, by the way, she’s a
woman. A very attractive woman. Men enjoy seeing
very attractive women. Male sportswriters
apparently enjoy writing about them. Women rally
around other women. Thus are the currents that
swirl around and eventually form the perfect
storm.
Patrick’s detractors tend
to blame all this on "the media," that
worldwide whipping post used to describe anything
an individual opposes. But they don’t read
our mail. They don’t realize that the
fascination with Patrick extends far beyond the
doors of media centers and press boxes.
In her time, many considered
Amelia Earhart a third-rate aviator with a
natural gift for promotion. Some things change,
and some don’t.
"Hey, dude, you, like,
married a woman, right?"
Eventually, she will have to
perform. For right now, though, all she has to do
is "perform," if you catch my drift.
She’s a fresh face in the garage area. And
that’s not all. Don’t be crying
"sexist" now. Patrick has starred in
about a dozen commercials designed to soak that
charge in hypocrisy. She plays her looks with
both the tumult of drums and the subtlety of
violins. Her song is nothing if not well
arranged.
No one ever forgot about
Earhart because she disappeared while trying to
do something truly remarkable and, quite
possibly, foolhardy. Patrick isn’t about to
disappear.
Had Earhart not aspired to fly
around the world -- had she settled into a career
of barnstorming at county fairs, or even into a
spokeswoman, an Eleanor Roosevelt of the aviation
set -- she would have faded away a bit.
For now it’s sufficient
for Patrick merely to compete, to test the water.
Next year, when she competes full-time in the
Nationwide Series, she’ll have to get more
than her toes wet.
***
Monte Dutton covers motorsports
for The Gaston (N.C.) Gazette.
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
You’d think there
wasn’t anyone wantin’ a plain old
potato chip. Even the corn chip folks are
puttin’ out a fancy version of the old
standby.
‘Course comin’ up
with some new snack food isn’t new,
they’ve been addin’ cheese to
ever’thing in a sack for some time.
‘Member those little
barrel shaped corn snacks with a
fillin’? I haven’t seen them for a
while. They were supposed ta be the snack of
the future.
My favorite weird snack was
those "space sticks." Supposed ta
have ever’thing ya need to sustain life
in space I guess. I think they sent the last
package of those on that probe that crashed
on Mars. Prob’ly for the best.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’.
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| Sponsored by
Metcalf Auto Supply |
Weekly
Column
CLICK and CLACK
TALK
CARS
I have a 1993 Subaru Loyale
4-wheel-drive wagon. The transmission-fluid
dipstick has broken off the cap. The stem is down
the fill tube beyond where I can reach it with a
telescoping magnet. I tried to grasp it with a
long pair of hemostats, but was unable to get far
enough down to grasp it. Tape back-wrapped on a
piece of wire was not sticky enough to get it out
that way, either.
Is the car safe to drive? I
purchased a replacement cap/dipstick and can
check the level, which is fine. I’m worried
that driving it will end up pushing the broken
piece into the transmission. Any idea how to
remove it, or how much money it will take to have
a shop do it? -- Ken
RAY: You’re worried about
a broken dipstick on a ‘93 Loyale, Ken?
Isn’t that like worrying about the barnacles
on the Andrea Doria?
TOM: Actually, if you have an
automatic transmission, you have nothing to worry
about, Ken. Since the dipstick’s lateral
movement is confined by the tube, the end of the
stick is just going to sit there on the bottom of
the transmission pan, where it won’t bother
anything. There are no gears or anything in that
part of the automatic transmission, and the stick
can’t go anywhere.
RAY: So if it’s an
automatic, just use your new stick to keep an eye
on the fluid level, and otherwise forget about
it.
TOM: On the other hand, if you
have a manual transmission, then you need to
remove that thing. There’s nothing BUT gears
in a manual transmission, so the stick could get
chewed up by the gears and ruin your transmission
AND your differential.
RAY: And if tube gets damaged
during removal, you can buy a new tube for very
little money.
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Copyright 2011, Heritage
Publishing. All rights reserved.
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