| today's
laugh Do you find that advertising brings quick
results?
I should say it does. Why, only the
other day we advertised for a night watchman, and that
night the safe was robbed.
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB
WELL DONE - "If you’re going to kill each
other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION -
"You better pray that will come out of the
carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to
knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that’s why."
My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep
laughing and I’ll give you something to cry
about."
My mother taught me about the science
of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your
supper!"
1911
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
Gang and Gambling
Cases.
Officer Reno captured Jim Hurt who was
fishing near the upper bridge Saturday. He was one of the
gang who beat W. H. Smith over a month ago.
He pleaded guilty to assault and
battery, but after hearing both his story and Mr.
Smith’s, Justice Woodward remanded him to jail under
suspended sentence until his companion, Will Perry will
be tried, and the degree of his guilt ascertained. His
sentence will then date from today. The third of this
gang is still hiding out, and the police are keeping a
lookout for him.
D. E. Seighman of Joplin today settled
the fines and costs for himself and two
assistants—Ben Clark and a Japanese man by the name
of Bautzman. The entire sum came to over $122. These men
were arrested for gambling at the market fair.
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Today's Feature Flanigan
Awarded.
State Rep. Tom Flanigan,
R-Carthage, was presented with the Legislative
Friend of Public Health Award from MoALPHA
(Missouri Association of Local Public Health
Agencies) at the recent Joint Annual Public
Health Conference in Columbia. Flanigan was
awarded for his legislative support on local
public health.
MoALPHA announced that Flanigan
received the award for his involvement and vocal
concerns for local public health. Rep. Flanigan
showed commitment in the 2011 legislative session
by supporting funding for local public health
agencies during a time when virtually all other
programs were being reduced. His actions lead to
local agencies receiving level funding.
"With so many competing
interests across the state, the budget process is
certainly not an easy one," said Rep.
Flanigan. "It is, however, relatively easy
to be supportive of local initiatives that are
better able to focus on the consumer. I’m
honored that MoALPHA chose to recognize me in
this way, and look forward to continuing to be
supportive of local solutions to local
problems."
The Legislative Friend of
Public Health Award recognizes a legislator,
current or past, or any staff member of a
legislator who has worked to improve public
health by sponsoring or supporting legislation
and/or budget initiatives that strengthen the
public health system in Missouri. Tony Moehr,
administrator of the Jasper County Health
Department, nominated Representative Flanigan for
the award.
Jasper
County Jail Count
? October 26,
2011
Total
Including Placed out of County
NASCAR THIS WEEK
By
Monte Dutton
The Ebb and
Flow of Jimmie Johnson
CONCORD, N.C. -- Think the
Chase for the Sprint Cup varies week to week?
Consider the extreme example of the driver who
has won the past five championships.
Jimmie Johnson offers evidence
of how the NASCAR title format punishes mistakes
more than it rewards successes.
Finishes of 10th and 18th in
the Chase’s first two races left Johnson 29
points behind Tony Stewart, who won them both.
Then Johnson finished second at Dover and first
at Kansas, pulling to within four points of the
lead, now occupied by Carl Edwards.
Johnson crashed at Charlotte in
the Bank of America 500, resulting in a placing
of 34th. As a result, he is now eighth, 35 points
behind Edwards. The point system changed this
year, and each point has a greater value.
Comparing point totals of 2010 with those of the
current year, the gap between Edwards and
Johnson, 35 points, is the equivalent of about 90
under the previous format.
Five races remain.
Johnson’s bid for a sixth straight title is
in jeopardy, but he is far from conceding.
"We just have to go
racing," he said. "That’s all
there is to it. There are five races left, and
right now all we have are those five races.
"Definitely not the night
we wanted. This is not going to help us win a
sixth championship. I promise you, this team and
myself, we won’t quit. We will go for every
point we can from here on out, and hopefully we
are still champions at the end of the year."
The volatility is obvious in
everyone’s results except Edwards, who has
finished eighth or better in each Chase race
(ninth or better in his last eight, dating back
to the regular season), and Kevin Harvick, who
has finished 12th or better in the Chase events.
At the top, they are five points apart.
The last four positions in the
Chase standings are occupied by drivers in
considerably worse situations than Johnson. Dale
Earnhardt Jr. is 60 points out of the lead,
followed by Ryan Newman (-61), Jeff Gordon (-66)
and Denny Hamlin (-86).
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
I’ve always heard the
old sayin’ that opinions are like belly
buttons, ever’body’s got one. The
other slant on that I tend ta like better is
that opinions are like armpits,
ever’body’s got a couple.
Now a lotta folks
don’t think their opinions are any more
worthwhile than the next. That seems ta be a
pretty healthy attitude. Throw them ideas out
there and kick ‘em around. Someone might
pick up on a mediocre idea and run with it,
turnin’ it into somethin’ no one
else would a thought of.
The real problems arise
when someone seems ta think there can be only
one opinion, and they’ve got it.
There’s always more
than one way ta look at any particular
situation. It’s the arguments that
sometimes don’t always make sense.
Either way it’s an interestin’
proposition. A lot more interestin’ than
armpits.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’.
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| Sponsored by
Metcalf Auto Supply |
Weekly
Column
CLICK and CLACK
TALK
CARS
I had the
"opportunity" to watch my car fall off
a flatbed tow truck last night in the middle of
Brooklyn.
I’m waiting on a phone
call from the towing company as to what’s
next, but should I even try to repair a car that
fell about five feet off a flatbed tow truck? If
so, what kind of damage should I be sure to check
for? Since it was dark and I could not see the
car very well, all I could see was major damage
to the front end, and the radiator was all bent
out of shape. I’m assuming the towing
company will just look to repair it the cheapest
way possible, and I don’t want to have
problems in a few months. -- Joe
TOM: I can tell you how it
happened, Joe. The driver forgot to attach the
safety chains. Or forgot to secure them. When you
flatbed a car, you chain the chassis to the bed
of the truck so the car doesn’t what? Fall
off while you’re driving!
RAY: Obviously, the front end
of your car got bashed, Joe, but the real
question is whether the frame got bent. If a
frame is bent badly enough, it can never be
adequately restraightened. If that’s the
case, you can’t align the wheels, and it is,
essentially, junk.
TOM: So the most important
thing to do now is to have someone who is
advocating for YOU inspect the car. If it were
me, I’d either have the car towed to my own
dealer (by some other towing company!) or call my
insurance company.
RAY: And then let the insurance
company pay for the repair. It’ll chase the
towing company to recoup the money.
TOM: And don’t be
surprised if your insurer declares the car a
total loss.
TOM: But if the insurance
company declares it totaled, I’d accept that
news stoically, and start over with a car that
hasn’t tried to learn to fly. Good luck,
Joe.
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Copyright 2011, Heritage
Publishing. All rights reserved.
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