today's
laugh
A man dressed in
mid-nineteenth century garb approached a psychiatrist and
told him, "Im Abraham Lincoln." Then he
whispered, "Doc, Ive got a serious problem. I
think my wifes trying to get rid of me. She keeps
insisting that I take her to the theater."
"This butter is so strong it could
walk around the table and say Hello to the
coffee," said one truck driver to another in a
roadside eatery.
"Well, if it does the coffee is too weak to
answer."
Teacher: The British language is
composed of vowels and consonants.
Pupil: What, no words?
1902
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of
Events as they have Transpired in the City and County
since our last Issue.
Will
Return to Live in Missouri.
Mrs. Walter Stapleton is in the city as
the guest of Mrs. C. J. Harrison and family. Mrs.
Stapleton describes the fire which destroyed her
husbands store and their household goods at their
home in Arkansas as very disastrous to them. Mr.
Stapleton is closing out his business there and they will
make their home on a farm in Barton county.
Wedded at the Court
House.
License was issued this morning for the
marriage of Jacob Clippinger, twenty-six years of age and
Maggie A. Sipp, thirty-six, both of Carthage. The couple
at once went to Attorney Mooneyhams office in the
courthouse and were wedded, Justice McCune officiating.
The bride was but a few weeks ago
divorced from a husband some ten or twenty years her
senior, R. A. Mooneyham acted as her attorney.
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Today's Feature
No Child Left Behind Act.
The "No Child Left Behind
Act" brought $3.5 million in new federal
education aid to Southwest Missouri public
schools for the 2002-2003 school year, according
to Southwest Missouri Congressman Roy Blunt.
"That's a 20 percent increase!" Blunt
said.
The largest dollar increases in
Title I funding went to the district's largest
urban schools. Springfield public schools
received a 27.45 percent increase ($1.035
million). Joplin public schools saw an increase
of 22.34 percent increase ($312,000). Humansville
and Fair schools received the largest percentage
increases in their Title I funding of 37 and 33
percent, respectively.
Ten Southwest Missouri public
school districts saw a 2 to 10.5 percent
reduction in their Title I funding. The drop in
funding is due primarily to a reduction in the
number of students from low-income households.
The legislation, which requires
more testing to ensure that students reach high
levels of competency in reading and more
accountability in meeting those goals, also
contains Title I funding to assist the nation's
low-income and disadvantaged students. That
funding for students attending schools in 72
public school districts in the 15 county
congressional district ranged from 2.3 percent to
more than 37 percent.
"This is a critical step
in helping local school districts put new
resources into programs that will give every
child strong reading skills, which are the
foundation of learning," Blunt said. "I
don't think the increases would have been as
large without the new law. Local schools must
follow through by providing more
services--tutoring, mentoring and special reading
instruction-to move every child forward on their
ability to read. It appears that most schools in
Southwest Missouri are committed to the new
standards and will meet those goals."
In addition to receiving more
money in Title I this year, school districts are
finding greater flexibility in how they use it.
This year, school districts can use up to half of
non-Title I money without any interference or
approval needed from either the state or federal
education departments. "Cutting the strings
on federal education funds and allowing school
districts to meet their own priorities is perhaps
the greatest improvement in the new
legislation," Blunt explained.
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
There is
one thing that most folks have in common, the
dislike of standin in lines. They will
stand around the coffee pot, stand on a bus,
stand in front of windows in the mall all day
long, but waitin in line just
isnt to be stood for.
Course since
standin in line is such a nuisance, the
one thing that might top the aggravation is
havin someone cut in front of you while
youre waitin. I witnessed a real
sneaky attempt at line cuttin over the
weekend while waitin for a table at a
restaurant. A mom and her kid come in, the
kid heads for the restroom, the mom waits in
line. After a while I look up and the kid is
standin next to a table bein
cleared, wavin to his mom. She makes a
move but is cut off by a savvy line stander.
"Oh did you want that table?" she
asked innocently.
And they ask where kids get
the ideas. I thanked this one for savin
our table for us.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin.
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Weekly Column
YOUR AMERICA
By Amy Anderson
In Chickasha, Okla., at what
was once an early 1900s dairy farm, you can now
see a dazzling array of American heavy metal
muscle cars, that is. In a hot
rodders field of dreams sits more than 70
acres covered with a salute to vintage
automobiles, motorcycles and car signs.
The Muscle Car Ranch is owned
by Curtis Hart, a veteran collector. His ranch is
located 30 miles southwest of Oklahoma City, and
he loves his cars so much that there isnt
even a fee to view the ranch.
Although cars are the main
attraction, the ranch also boasts a fully
restored 1940s diner and five barns covered
inside and out with antique automobile
advertising signs from parts and service
signs to products and additives, including some
very rare signs. You will also find classic Mack
trucks and more than 100 vintage cycles of
various makes.
For some extra excitement, make
it to the ranch for the Muscle Car Ranch Swap
Meet, on Sept. 12-15. There will be ample parking
150 acres where you can park your
RV or camp for free (no hookups, but showers and
security provided). Admission to the swap meet
costs only $1. There will also be a concert by
country legend John Conlee for only $17 (in
advance, $20 day of the show).
For more information, contact
Curtis Hart at (405) 222-4910 or log on to
www.musclecarranch.com. The ranch is located at
3609 S. 16th, Chickasha, OK 73018.
If that doesnt satisfy
your taste for vintage cars, try Elm Creek,
Nebraskas Chevyland USA. It features more
than 100 vehicles, all for sale and all running.
They date from 1914 to present day, and every
last one is a Chevy. Open daily from May to Labor
Day; after that, make an appointment by calling
(308) 856-4208.
While youre in Nebraska,
drop by an old favorite of mine, Carhenge, in
Alliance. This freestanding work of art lies off
of US 385, and it is made entirely out of
late-model American cars done up in a life-size
recreation of Stonehenge.
Or, if you are into bikes, try
York, Pa. Milwaukee may be the headquarters, but
this is where those icons of two-wheelers
Harley Davidsons are made. You can tour
the processing plant and museum. Call (800)
673-2429. Kids under 12 not admitted on plant
tour.
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