today's
laugh
"Do you think your son will soon
forget all he learned at college?"
"I hope so; he can't make a living
necking."
Teacher: "Johnny, you shouldn't
say, 'I ain't going.' You should say, 'I am not going,'
'He is not going,' 'They are not going,' 'We are not
going,' 'You are not going.'"
Little Johnny: "Ain't nobody
going?"
Teacher: "Snooks, how is it that
your essay on "The dog" is almost word for word
the same as that of Jones?"
Snooks: "We must have been writing
about the same dog, sir."
Student (being arrested). "But,
officer, I'm a college man."
Cop. "I'm sorry, but ignorance is
no excuse."
"Do you believe in
relativity?"
"No, sooner or later it breaks up
the home."
1898
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
George M. Turner of Springfield, and M.
M. Beck were in Carthage yesterday selling silks and
carpets for a St. Louis carpet company. They informed a
representative of this paper that while here and at
Joplin they have sold $5,500 worth of goods, as follows;
Pat Murphy, $1,500; W.H. Phelps,
$2,000; Dr. J.A. Carter, $1,000; Mr. Payton, $1,000. Mr.
Turner is a brother to Dan Turner, the well known
type-setter and formerly resided in Carthage.
Portions of the Demott & Gunning
lease on the Granby M. & S. Co.'s land at Oronogo
changed owners today. With the land and mines went all
the machinery, tracks, etc., connected with the plant.
The consideration was $30,000. The sellers were C.A.
Blair, C.W. Reed, C. W. Rinehart, A. M. Rinehart and H.
H. Green, and the purchasing party was the Big Circle
Mining Company. The plant is one of the biggest and best
paying mines there.
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Today's Feature Hispanic Culture Draws Interest.
Over two dozen people attended
the Morning Coffee sponsored by Main Street
Carthage yesterday morning at the Fix Coffee
Shop. The event was the first in a series of
"coffees" scheduled by the
organization.
Main Street Director Diane
Sharits was pleased with the turn out and felt
featured speaker Richard Card brought valuable
insight concerning the impact of the Hispanic
culture on Downtown Carthage.
Card says that learning to
accept a diverse customer base will produce long
term benefits for business owners. Card has been
working with the Family Literacy Council helping
to teach Hispanic immigrants English language and
other skills.
The Family Literacy Council has
also began offering basic conversational Spanish
courses designed to meet the specific needs of
local employers. Curriculum will include oral
practice with native speakers and will meet from
noon to 1 p.m. three days a week for four weeks.
Class size can be as small as
five students and the cost is $60 per
participant. For more information stop by the
Family Literacy Center at 708 Orchard or call
358-5926.
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
My mother told me sometime
in late July that after 70 years, she wasn't
sure she was a Democrat anymore. She knew she
wasn't a Republican, but she couldn't say for
sure what she was. She was obviously
embarrassed by Clinton's escapades.
I personally have no
interest in the tawdry deeds performed in the
Oval Office, but what Clinton did with his
denials last January was to stand up and spit
in my mother's face. He tarnished her
lifetime belief that somehow a person's
character was more important that status,
power, or worldly goods. He betrayed an
idealogical trust at a level that mocks her
basic values.
In a final gesture of
defiance, Clinton shrugged his shoulders and
slipped off with a cocky smirk and a flippant
disregard for my mother's passionate desire
to forgive. The Clinton presidency faded
away, as Bill's last spark of decency
flickered and died.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin'
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Metcalf Auto Supply
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Weekly Column
Click and Clack Talk Cars
Dear Tom and Ray: I recently
purchased an '89 Chevy Astro van for my wife at
an auction. My mechanic has done the necessary
repairs, and it looks like we got a fairly good
deal. The only problem is that the car stinks -
like cigarettes and other nefarious
"weed-like" odors. The upholstery and
carpet have been steam-cleaned, and it seems like
the air-conditioning unit and the upholstery on
the ceiling are the main contributors. Needless
to say, my wife is steamed - or
"smoked!" Do you have any ideas how we
could desmoke the air-conditioning ducts, the
ceiling or the whole car in general? Every car
person I've talked to so far has been pretty
useless. Gil
RAY: Well, we fit that
category, too, Gil, but that never has stopped us
from giving advice!
TOM: You're right about it
being a difficult problem. Smoke gets into
everything: the seats, the carpet, the headliner.
It can even permeate the duct work to some
extent.
RAY: And it's easy to
understand why. Let's do the math. If both
husband and wife smoked three packs of
Chesterfields a day in the Astro since 1989 -
that's nine years - you could be sitting in the
stench from approximately 394,200 cigarettes. And
that's not counting any hitchhikers.
TOM: So if it's really
intolerable, then your best bet is to call a
company that does fire salvage.
RAY: Right. After a house fire,
everything that didn't get burned up smells
awful. There are companies that do nothing but
get that smoke odor out. You can usually find
them in the Yellow Pages under "smoke odor
services."
TOM: Right and they'll stick
2,00 of those Christmas tree air fresheners
inside you headliner and say "You're all set
Gil."
ARCHIVES Index
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Copyright 1997 by Heritage Publishing.
All rights reserved.
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