today's
laugh
A rookie passing the mess hall, asked
the cook:
"What's on the menu tonight?"
"Oh, we have thousands of things
to eat tonight."
"What are they?"
"Beans!"
Two soldiers were engaged in trench
digging practice. It was a very hot day and both felt
pretty tired.
"Do you remember the big posters
saying, 'Enlist and see the world," asked one.
"Yes," replied his companion,
"but why?"
"Well, I didn't know we had to dig
clear through it in order to see it."
Mr. A. Shopliftah will now sing, I'm
leaving my Home, Sweet Home, accompanied by the police
force.
1898
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
Some Camp News.
Health of the Second and Fifth
Regiments- Ovation for Maj. Williams.
The 2nd Missouri is second in the
division in healthfulness and the 5th Missouri are said
to be the healthiest in the park.
Wm. Schmidt, of Co. "L,"
received a discharge Monday. He was preparing to go on
guard when the discharge came and it took him by
surprise, as he knew nothing of it until the discharge
was placed in his hands. His home is in Carthage, Mo.
A few days ago the first battalion got
a good soaking. We all went out to drill, but our major,
Mitchell, saw signs of rain and having no relish for a
soaking kept close to camp, and consequently the second
battalion escaped the shower, but the other battalions
were to far and got caught, also Col. Caffee, who was
with the first. I was sitting in my shelter tent enjoying
the rain when the Co."A" men begin to come in.
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Today's Feature Bonus For the 'Tween Times.
The City Council, in a closed
session following the regular Council meeting
last Tuesday, voted to compensate Captain Davis
and Chief Cooper $1,242 each for services
rendered while serving as Interim Police and
Interim Fire Chiefs respectively.
Council member Charlie Bastin
had raised the issue several weeks ago of
compensating Davis for his extra work load after
Ed Ellefsen resigned last summer, especially the
responsibility concerning Marian Days. Cooper
acted as Fire Chief for four months in late 1994
and early 1995 after Don Simmons retired.
The Council has given extra
compensation in the past to City Clerk Barbara
Welch for her efforts in preparing the budget
after Mike Randall was released from his City
Administrator position. Economic Development
Director received compensation for his role as
interim City Administrator until Tom Short was
hired for that position.
During the Council regular open
session, the only divisive vote came on the
request for a zoning change by Della Dillion. The
request was to change the zoning of residential
property at 1122 Cedar to two family dwelling.
The change would have allowed a duplex to be
built on the vacant property. A petition signed
by several neighbors was presented to the Council
that opposed the change. Members Mike Harris,
Charlie Bastin, Trish Burgi-Brewer, and Don
Stearnes voted for the Change. Members Larry
Ross, Bill Fortune, J.D. Whitledge, Jackie Boyer,
Art Dunaway, and Donna Harlan voted against.
The problems that have
developed concerning the installation of water
mains over the last few months were emphasized
during the Citizen's Participation period. Mike
Winfrey gave a lengthy presentation to the
Council that pointed to safety issues among
others.
The Council seemed to be in
agreement that the contractor, Poston
Construction Company of Lamar, needed be more
concerned with the workmanship.
Mayor Kenneth Johnson asked
City Administrator Tom Short to take action.
Johnson commented that if the situation doesn't
get better, it may be time "to shut him
down.
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
I can't pass a nail layin'
on the street without stoppin' to pick it up
and get it outa traffic. The habit comes from
watchin' my dad over the years. It was
somethin' ya did.
"Somebody will end up
with that in a tire," he might say.
I'm sure he also had
selfish reasons for doin' his good turn. I
also learned how to change a flat tire by
watchin' Dad. Usually a nail that had not
been retrieved in time.
I suppose there are those
who have never made the connection between a
lonely nail or screw layin' in the road and
any consequences. Or they just figure luck
will keep that particular nail from becomin'
a thorn in their side. I don't recall ever
seein' my mom pickin' up nails (but she could
change a tire).
I suppose 'tween my dad and
uncles, my brother and me, we've put a pretty
good dent in the flat fixin' business, but I
personally know of at least a couple little
pricks we missed.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin'.
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Sponsored by
Metcalf Auto Supply
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Weekly Column
Click and Clack Talk Cars
Dear Tom and Ray:
Being a musical kind of guy, I
often pass the time at long lights by drumming on
the steering wheel of my Mercedes C-230 with a
pair of drumsticks I keep in the driver's door
pocket. Incredibly, my 10-year-old daughter is
NOT mortified by this behavior. However, she is
convinced that my drumming will cause the airbag
to deploy, injuring me. She's also afraid that
once I get hit in the face with the airbag, I'll
instinctively slam on the gas, and send us
careening into an intersection, which will put
her in danger. Is her concern justified?-Michael
P.S. I omstly drum on the
center part of the wheel where that star and
circle thing is embossed.
P.S.S. Do you know where I
could get a bracket to mount a cymbal on the
steering column?
TOM: The answer to both of your
questions is no, Michael. Your daughter's concern
is not justified, and no, we don't know who makes
a cymbal stand for a C230 (but the J.C. Whitney
catalog is a good bet.)
RAY: The airbag sensors, along
with the contacts, are located in the front
bumper, so there's no way you can trigger them by
banging on the steering wheel (even with an
enthusiastic rendition of "Wipe Out").
TOM: In fact, many airbag
equipped cars have now put the horn button back
in the center of the steering wheel (where it
belongs, I might add), which would be impossible
to do if pressure on the steering wheel could set
off the airbag. So feel free to keep on drumming,
Michael.
RAY: But I have a question for
you. How can a musician like you afford a
Mercedes?
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Copyright 1997 by Heritage Publishing.
All rights reserved.
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